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Author Topic: Pretend Sports  (Read 156381 times)

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KeithHernandez

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Re: Pretend Baseball.
« Reply #45 on: March 21, 2007, 01:36:06 am »
It is on auto draft, so there is no draft.

Turboninja:  I have no idea what I am doing.  Do you want to be commissioner? PM me your email address if you do.  Also, I am very busy this week, but I figured I could wait on changing stuff until next week.
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Nabubrush

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Re: Pretend Baseball.
« Reply #46 on: March 21, 2007, 01:38:55 am »
Just get A-dub in here and we will be fine. It will take care of itself, and after a month only two people will be left and it will be fun. Commence with the merry-making, dammit!
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AugustWest

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Re: Pretend Baseball.
« Reply #47 on: March 21, 2007, 03:16:41 am »
Fine.  I'm going to deal with it now.
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Turbo Ninja

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Re: Pretend Baseball.
« Reply #48 on: March 21, 2007, 02:09:33 pm »
KH - You've done the hard part.  In a basic Yahoo league, the Commissioner is like the Queen of England - all title, no real responsibilities once the season starts. 

In the immortal words of the Black Eyed Peas, let's get retarded (in here).
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melack

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Re: Pretend Baseball.
« Reply #49 on: March 22, 2007, 12:29:00 am »
Fair warning: What my eventual team may lack in statistics and overall wins, we'll make up for with grit, character and veteran leadership. These are the three pillars of any great fantasy baseball team. We do not need a fourth pillar because that would be gaudy.

Ninja: does that also imply that Keith bears a more than striking resemblance to Helen Mirren?
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Nabubrush

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Re: Pretend Baseball.
« Reply #50 on: March 22, 2007, 01:43:25 am »
Quote from: melack on March 22, 2007, 12:29:00 am
Fair warning: What my eventual team may lack in statistics and overall wins, we'll make up for with grit, character and veteran leadership. These are the three pillars of any great fantasy baseball team. We do not need a fourth pillar because that would be gaudy.

As long as they give 110% and leave it all out on the field, you'll be fine.
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AugustWest

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Re: Pretend Baseball.
« Reply #51 on: March 22, 2007, 04:37:38 am »
My team is built around minimum effort and reliance on pure dumbass luck. 

Kind of like the Mets.
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littlefallsmets

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Re: Pretend Baseball.
« Reply #52 on: March 22, 2007, 04:44:30 am »
No no no...

The Mets are built around amazing rookies who are being constantly fuck*ng held down by the ancient wash-ups and journeymen they're constantly bringing in because Willie Randolph is a goddamned idiot who believes in "playing the right way" and "hitting for power in a pitcher's park for some goddamned reason" instead of "great young talent" who "won't be constantly injured".

JOSE VALENTIN, MOSES ALOU AND SHAWN GREEN IN YOUR STARTING LINE-UP?

Fuck me, man. Just fuck me. For the Royals in 1995, that would be a decent third of your line-up.

I mean, fuck. Fuck fuck fuck. Fuck. FUCK.

LASTINGS MILLEDGE WILL TURN WATER INTO WINE IF YOU JUST GIVE HIM 150 STARTS.

FUCK. FUCK. FUCK.
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AugustWest

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Re: Pretend Baseball.
« Reply #53 on: March 22, 2007, 04:55:19 am »
You are wrong.

The Mets are pond scum.

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littlefallsmets

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Re: Pretend Baseball.
« Reply #54 on: March 22, 2007, 04:58:02 am »
LASTINGS MILLEDGE COULD PART THE SEA AND HEAL THE SICK IF THEY'D... JUST... LET HIM... PLAY. LET HIM PLAY. LET HIM PLAY! LET. THE DUDE. PLAY.
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AugustWest

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Re: Pretend Baseball.
« Reply #55 on: March 22, 2007, 05:00:09 am »
Algae.
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littlefallsmets

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Re: Pretend Baseball.
« Reply #56 on: March 22, 2007, 05:04:13 am »
Carlos Delgado's knees are going to explode this season and Mike Jacobs will be an All-Star in Florida in two years. They're looking at fuck*ng John Maine and fuck*ng Chan Ho Park when Pelfrey and Humber are completely goddamned ready to start. Chavez would be starting on any other team and Moises Alou would've fucked Jayne Mansfield except she was "too young for him".

SHAWN GREEN IS A DOUCHEBAG WHO WILL HIT FIFTEEN HOME RUNS AND DO JACK-ALL ELSE AND LASTINGS MILLEDGE WILL DIE, DESCEND THROUGH HELL TO REDEEM MANKIND AND RISE THREE DAYS LATER WHILE STILL HITTING .325!

FUCK. FUCKFUCKFUCK.
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melack

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Re: Pretend Baseball.
« Reply #57 on: March 22, 2007, 05:14:14 am »
Well, be thankful you're not an M's fan. Mike Hargrove makes Willie Randolph look like Wernher von fuck*ng Braun.
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littlefallsmets

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Re: Pretend Baseball.
« Reply #58 on: March 22, 2007, 05:21:17 am »
Here's my thing. Willie Randolph is a douchebag who believes in "old school" hossshit like "team players" and "good hustle" and "he's really trying". fuck*ng ex-Yankee rah-rah hossshit.

Fuck a dude who is "a great bench guy". Fuck a dude who is "practically a player-coach". Fuck a dude who can hit twenty or thirty home runs and won't do anything else. Fuck a dude who has "won it before". Fuck a dude who used to be famous.

WHAT IS YOUR ON-BASE-PERCENTAGE?
CAN YOU FIELD YOUR POSITION?
ARE YOU NOT GOING TO BE INJURED ALL THE fuck*ng TIME?

These are my only three requirements for a position player.

Fulfill those requirements or get out of my face, CLIFF FLOYD.

CLIFF FLOYD, YOU SUPREME BAG OF DOUCHE. OH, CHRIST, I HOPE THERE IS A HELL SO THAT DOUCHEBAGS LIKE YOU CAN GO THERE, EVEN IF IT MEANS I AM BURNING WITH YOU. HOLY SHIT, IF YOU CAN'T PLAY ANY MORE, JUST fuck*ng RETIRE, DON'T WANDER AROUND WITH A HANGDOG LOOK UNTIL WILLIE WILL PINCHHIT YOU IN AT A KEY MOMENT SO YOU CAN SHIT THE BED. HOLY SHIT, CLIFF FLOYD, YOU ARE GOING TO BASEBALL HELL AND I WILL BE THERE WITH THE GODDAMN PITCHFORK, YOU GIMPY fuck*ng DOUCHE.

STRIKEOUT PITCHERS ARE hossSHIT, ALSO.
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Turbo Ninja

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Re: Pretend Baseball.
« Reply #59 on: March 22, 2007, 01:03:29 pm »
Quote from: melack on March 22, 2007, 12:29:00 am
Ninja: does that also imply that Keith bears a more than striking resemblance to Helen Mirren?

If true, it would be the first time I've had a May-December crush on a fake baseball commish.
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