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Author Topic: Pretend Sports  (Read 155994 times)

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AugustWest

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Re: Pretend Baseball.
« Reply #105 on: March 27, 2007, 12:59:02 am »

is this supposed to be in Re: Retirement?

No, but it certainly would be accurate there as well.
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iron_felix

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Re: Pretend Baseball.
« Reply #106 on: March 27, 2007, 07:32:46 am »

I wound up with no Mets or Yankees on my squad, which was also not by design.  I ranked Wright and A-Rod higher than Chipper Jones, but got him anyway.  At least my conscience is at ease now.

In the pre-draft rankings I opted for the unconventional approach of tanking on home runs and drafting a team of rabbits.  I can't say to what extent that actually worked, but at least I succeeded in not completely fuck*ng up my team.  As far as I can tell, anyway.
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melack

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Re: Pretend Baseball.
« Reply #107 on: March 27, 2007, 03:28:00 pm »

I hate to break it to you, but I'm pretty sure Chipper's knees are being held together with bubble gum and scotch tape these days. I hope the rest of your team can swipe more bags than him!

Who do you have?

Edit: that is basically the exact opposite of Beane's approach during the days of Moneyball. Jeremy Giambi hah!

melack

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Re: Pretend Baseball.
« Reply #108 on: March 28, 2007, 04:57:42 am »

A trivial yet triumphant realization:

I have swapped one erection for another.

Evidence:

3/27: Add Rich Harden (Oak SP)
3/27: Drop Randy Johnson (Ari SP)

Now swap the E in Harden for an O and you've struck pure man-gold!

Arachno-capitalist

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Re: Pretend Baseball.
« Reply #109 on: March 28, 2007, 05:00:53 am »

Watching Randy Johnson is fun because its so unpredictable. Is he going to meltdown tonight? Is he going to aim for a perfect game and then crash at the 90th pitch into oblivion? Who knows! Stay tuned!
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iron_felix

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Re: Pretend Baseball.
« Reply #110 on: March 28, 2007, 10:06:54 pm »

I saw Randy Johnson's perfect game against the Braves in Atlanta.  It's a really weird feeling to see your own team have a perfect game thrown against them.  On the one hand, Stalin could throw a perfect game against a team of nuns and it would still be a thing of beauty, but then you think, "wait a minute... that just happened to us!  That really sucks!"

I think the tape came off Chipper's knees (in a falling-apart way, not a getting-better way) sometime last season.  He'll retire before he turns 40, but he's still got a few more good years left in him.  At least, I hope so.  If I really need stolen base production from my third baseman I can always move Ryan Freel there from the outfield, but then I'd take a hit in all my other stats.

Moneyball strategy says stolen bases and other small-ball tactics are a less efficient means of scoring runs than just straight-up slugging a bunch of home runs, and there's a large body of statistical evidence to support that.  But fuck that shit, man.  Seriously.  Stolen bases make the game so much more fun to watch.  If I were managing a ballclub I'd be having players steal home, statistics be damned.  That's just the way the game ought to be played.  Luckily for me, as long as fantasy baseball remains relatively sabermetrics-unfriendly (emphasis on batting average, pitching wins, et cetera) my radical hosshide traditionalism shouldn't do much to hamper my team's success.

Rich Harden would have a great name as a porn star.  Even more so if he went by Dick, but then maybe that would be too obvious.  Here are some other good ones:

Dick Pole
Rusty Kuntz
Jimmy Dykes
Happy Felsch
Orel Hershiser

...and my personal favorite, Chick Fullis.

Someday I'm going to write a new version of the song "Van Lingle Mungo" using only players with suggestive names.  I've been meaning to do that for a while.
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jaydub

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Re: Pretend Baseball.
« Reply #111 on: March 28, 2007, 10:17:32 pm »

I was going to write a poem entitled "Sadie Lipschitz and Other Cruel Names", but then I discovered I can't rhyme or write to a meter.
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melack

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Re: Pretend Baseball.
« Reply #112 on: March 28, 2007, 10:25:40 pm »

Not necessarily slugging home runs, but there are better ways to go about scoring runs than bunting a guy from first to second in the bottom of the first. I do agree that stolen bases are fun to watch, and someone stealing home is one of the most entertaining plays in all of baseball. I would gladly watch a game where there's plenty of base-stealing, as long as neither team is one that I have a rooting interest in.

littlefallsmets

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Re: Pretend Baseball.
« Reply #113 on: March 28, 2007, 10:45:08 pm »

See, my favourite part of baseball is the manufactured run.

The manufactured run is Living Chess.

The manufactured run is the perfect child of Athletism and Strategy.

Dude fightin' off an eleven pitch at bat for a walk, goin' to second on a well-placed weak grounder... stealing third out of nowhere like a nuclear bomb and then... oh man, is this guy gonna hit the ball far enough to score the man on third?

Oh man, oh man, oh man.

Gettin' on base and making productive outs. I am such a dork but... man.

These things are everything that entertainment should be. The tension, man, the tension.
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Re: Pretend Baseball.
« Reply #114 on: March 28, 2007, 11:15:23 pm »

Moneyball is a significant and amazing book. As a dude who is mainly concerned with economics and getting laid, It is the reason I got into sports. The dude, Michael Lewis, just came out with The Blind Side which is a similar treatment of Football and a great read.
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Re: Pretend Baseball.
« Reply #115 on: March 29, 2007, 03:45:00 am »

Rich Harden would have a great name as a porn star.  Even more so if he went by Dick, but then maybe that would be too obvious.  Here are some other good ones:

Dick Pole
Rusty Kuntz
Jimmy Dykes
Happy Felsch
Orel Hershiser

...and my personal favorite, Chick Fullis.

Let us not ignore Rollie Fingers.
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melack

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Re: Pretend Baseball.
« Reply #116 on: March 29, 2007, 04:48:38 am »

Moneyball is a significant and amazing book. As a dude who is mainly concerned with economics and getting laid, It is the reason I got into sports. The dude, Michael Lewis, just came out with The Blind Side which is a similar treatment of Football and a great read.

Yeah, The Blind Side is an awesome book. Michael Lewis is a really unique writer. The guy just has a way of taking something that seemingly has to do with sports and manages to turn it into a completely different subject. That's what bothers me the most about people's perceptions of Moneyball. So many think it's some kind of sabermetric manifesto, but it's really a book about a businessman who's thrived by learning to exploit market inefficiencies.

iron_felix

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Re: Pretend Baseball.
« Reply #117 on: March 29, 2007, 06:01:46 am »

Let us not ignore Rollie Fingers.
Two of my favorite Albert Pujols jokes:

"Colon blows one past Pujols."  (back when he pitched for the Expos)
"Randy Johnson goes hard and in on Pujols."

It's too bad he didn't play at the same time as Rollie Fingers.

I didn't want to list him twice.
But yes, he's definitely up there.  He's got the mustache for it, too.
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melack

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Re: Pretend Baseball.
« Reply #118 on: March 29, 2007, 02:34:36 pm »

I am so tired of getting these little player updates that tell me how a player's spring training stats are going. Spring training means nothing. Please do not update me with useless information, Yahoo. Do you really think I'm worried about Ryan Howard, a man who has hit 70 home runs in the past season and a half, hitting .200 during spring training. No, Yahoo. I do not. Do not try to instill fear in me, Yahoo, for I am strong with resistance.

Now this, on the other hand, scares me a little. My players make up 1/4 of that list!

littlefallsmets

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Re: Pretend Baseball.
« Reply #119 on: March 31, 2007, 10:51:46 pm »

We are now Very Close to the beginning and there have only been a few moves in the league.

Are people Over It already or do they just wanna see the first week of action before tinkering?
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