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[theinevitable]

I didn't run away per se...
I just said "shh... sweetie... shhh... no, no, I... no, it's ok..."

the scary part wasn't the wanting to bang me part, the scary part is that the way she was showing this was... roughly analogous to sucking on LFM's toes, except... more with a potential for violence? She was having a complete Freak Out Episode; first she tried to hide under my bed, then she wanted to get her bone on, At All Costs. She did not convey any of this in words-- instead, she communicated in real simple noises, such as a mute would use. 10 minutes later she wasn't sure what had just happened, and I had to tell her.

Basically, very un-sexy. I had forgotten that this happened until just now, and it happened less than a year ago. I guess there aren't many retrieval cues for "that time your girlfriend started crying, then tried to punch you, and then started trying to... do some actions on me."

[littlefallsmets]

The Jewishness World Tour reminds me of a kid I knew in eighth grade who convinced me that WWJD bracelets stood for "Word Wide Jewish Domination."  Despite growing up in the Bible Belt, I actually believed him for a short time.

From what little time I've spent in the Bible Belt? In a roundabout sort of way, I can see why your conclusion could be BECAUSE OF growing up in that environment not DESPITE.

When you got people spewing the kind of Weirdness on the AM dial about religion and conspiracy, I can understand why living in that place would prepare you to briefly believe that to be true.

Also, it would explain how you could believe that mind-numbingly frightening and hot could be the same thing, an idea that I simply cannot accept. Raised as a perpetually-lapsed Catholic, I know for guilt and shame twisting a fella on the inside but... ain't nothing for twisting pleasure and pain together like That Old Time Religion.

Driving across America, I once spent two hours moving all the Bibles to the front of the shelves in the Religious Fiction section in a Barnes and Nobles in Springfield, Missouri.

I am a fan of futile gestures against the crashing waves of inequity in the way you can only be if you spent your teenage years reading Vonnegut novels and being afraid of telling your female friends that you dig them.

[CortJstr]

Driving across America, I once spent two hours moving all the Bibles to the front of the shelves in the Religious Fiction section in a Barnes and Nobles in Springfield, Missouri.

This is the seed for every pissed off "you must forward this!" e-mail that shows up in Snopes. "Barnes & Noble keeps all their bibles in 'Fiction'!", "Starbucks won't serve veterans!", "the Target employee handbooks says that they are supposed to sodomize the children of rebuplicans!"

[littlefallsmets]

Yeah. Yeah, you are basically right.

If I am able to start ONE urban legend out of one of my obscure social-commentary pranks, just one, I can basically forgive myself for having pretty much gone nowhere with my life to this point.

But you guys also now have the secret to tracking me down if I am ever on the run... just check the local B&Ns and Borders and see where the Bibles are. If they're in the Religious Fiction section, I was pretty much in the area recently, on the tail of the One-Armed Man.

I mean, eventually the feds will put it together and realize that until 2003, every chain bookstore between Syracuse and Albany was like that and afterwards, every chain bookstore in the northern half of the city of Los Angeles is like that and... put two and two together but...

Maybe one of y'all could negotiate a government favour out of the deal before that.

Keith could get weed made legal, just for him, or something.

It would be worth it.

[jaydub]

I may have to assist you in confusing the trail by doing the switcheroo in the Bay Area.  That is basically genius (this coming from a not-so-lapsed Catholic).

[Nabubrush]

Once I crashing at a friend's place during a college summer after a long night of drinking party at said friend's house and... I was woken up by his older sister sucking my toes.

If I didn't already think she was insane? Oh hells yeah I'd hit it. Protectedly, but yeah.

[iron_felix]

To clarify, the kid who told me that was himself Jewish, not some fruitloop carrying on about the International Zionist Conspiracy.  As for me, I was raised in an atheist household by two atheist parents who had themselves been raised in the Church of England, which isn't really all that different.  Hence my ignorance as to what WWJD meant, even with so many other people wearing it on their wrists all over the place.

Of course, that also leaves me with no excuse for getting all hot and bothered watching Blue Velvet, et cetera, but what can I say?  Different strokes, dude.  I guess it'll just have to remain a matter of respectful disagreement between sick fucks.

[Nabubrush]

Are you a dude from circumstances?

[iron_felix]

Yeah yeah, that's right.  I mean the shit I had to go through...

Actually, no.  I grew up in a middle-class family in the 'burbs with loving parents and as I mentioned basically nothing in my life that could be expected to lead to me being this way.  I'm just into creepy stuff, is all.  Then again, why do I even need to try and justify this?  I refuse to apologize for my outlandish paraphilias.

[Nabubrush]

Then again, why do I even need to try and justify this?  I refuse to apologize for my outlandish paraphilias.

Let that freak flag fly!