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[Nabubrush]

Do one of you party people have a good recipe for aioli or mayonnaise? I tried to make some today and it was an ABYSMAL FAILURE. I used a KitchenAid standing mixer and a recipe from Denver's Junior League.

Denver is where the Broncos and the Avs are from, so it's no wonder that your mayo failed.

[linnea]

What was the bad recipe? There's only three or four ingredients in mayonnaise and you kind of have to eyeball the proportions. It's been made for a long time, so power tools are not necessary.

It's a simple emulsion of oil and egg yolks with mustard and vinegar for flavor, and other things if you like:

INGREDIENTS:

    * 2 egg yolks
    * 3/4 teaspoon salt
    * 1/2 teaspoon powdered mustard
    * 1/8 teaspoon sugar
    * Pinch cayenne pepper
    * 4 to 5 teaspoons lemon juice or white vinegar
    * 1-1/2 cups olive or other salad oil
    * 4 teaspoons hot water

PREPARATION:
Beat yolks, salt, mustard, sugar, pepper, and 1 teaspoon lemon juice in a small bowl until very thick and pale yellow. (Note: If using electric mixer, beat at medium speed.) Add about 1/4 cup oil, drop by drop, beating vigorously all the while. Beat in 1 teaspoon each lemon juice and hot water. Add another 1/4 cup oil, a few drops at a time, beating vigorously all the while. Beat in another teaspoon each lemon juice and water. Add 1/2 cup oil in a very fine steady stream, beating constantly, then mix in remaining lemon juice and water; slowly beat in remaining oil. If you like, thin mayonnaise with a little additional hot water. Cover and refrigerate until needed. Do not keep longer than 1 week.

Dammit! That is where I went astray. The recipe was almost exactly like that, except it omitted the hot water and used a whole large egg. I think it was the egg white that fucked everything up.

Personally I've found that olive oil can have too strong a flavor for mayo.  Also, mine seems to taste better when I use a whisk instead of a mixer -- but that's probably just mental.  Or, it could be that I'm tired and hungry from all that whisking, so that makes it taste better.

Yeah, when I tasted some of it the olive oil was WAY too strong. It was just this disgusting frothy mixture that was thin and definitely not creamy like real mayonnaise.

Denver is where the Broncos and the Avs are from, so it's no wonder that your mayo failed.

Man, FUCK YOU AND THE RED WINGS. The Avs are where it's at.  Nabu, you know I love you, but I don't understand how someone so awesome could have such horrible loyalties.

[Nabubrush]

Denver is where the Broncos and the Avs are from, so it's no wonder that your mayo failed.

Man, FUCK YOU AND THE RED WINGS. The Avs are where it's at.  Nabu, you know I love you, but I don't understand how someone so awesome could have such horrible loyalties.

Sorry, that was a typo up there. It was supposed to say "maybe it was the elevation?"

[linnea]

I have a new favorite recipe. Weiner Wings!

If you hate YouTube links, it is Natalie Dee making the recipe "Weiner Wings."

Ingredients for two people:

Tin foil, a cookie sheet or pan, oven.
2 slices of bread
2 hot dogs (I prefer the vegetarian "Not Dogs", myself.)
2 slices of cheese
Ketchup

Heat your oven to 400 degrees Fahrenheit. Lay the slices of bread on the pan. Lay each hot dog across the slice of bread horizontally. Slice cheese so it's approximately the width of the hotdog, and lay the cheese on top of each hotdog. Arrange the bread so the hot dogs are parallel, and then raise the two opposite corners of bread to create "wings". Push the bread/hotdog units closely together so each Wiener Wing holds up the other's wings, and then use crumpled tin foil as bookends on the outside.

Bake about 5-7 minutes until the cheese is softened. If the cheese isn't bubbly yet, turn the oven on "broil" and watch closely so the toast doesn't burn. Let the toast get good and crispy. Remove from oven and cool about 5 minutes on the pan so they retain their wingly shape. Remove to individual plates and serve with ketchup.

Drew has some awesome countrified music that he made for the Wiener Wings segment.

[side_show]

When it gets so damn hot, there are two things you must do:

1) Do not turn the oven on at any cost.
2) Put the heat inside you - there is no heat outside if you're hotter on the inside.  This involves spices.  It's a Tao thing.

With this in mind, it's time to pull out my slow cooker, and make a damn fine meal.

Sweet Spicy Smokey Sausage Stew

Ingredients:

8 Low Fat/Low Sodium Smoked Sausages or Low Fat/ Low Sodium Smoked Sausages with cheese, cut into bite sized pieces
3 russet potatoes, cubed
1 small sweet potato, cubed
3 carrots, cut into bite sized pieces
1 large sweet onion (Walla Walla), diced
1/2 a bunch of cilantro, chopped
1 large dried chipotle
1 can tomato paste
2 fresh tomatoes diced
1 can red kidney beans, drained and rinsed
1 can black beans, drained and rinsed
1 can baked beans (molasses or maple style)
2 cups of water
cayenne pepper - to taste
crushed red pepper flakes - to taste
cumin - to taste
ground black pepper - to taste
paprika - to taste

Hot sauce of your choice (optional) - I like habanero
Old, sharp cheddar cheese (optional)

Boil water and pour over chipotle to re-hydrate for at least 10 min.  While pepper is hydrating, place russet and sweet potatoes, onion, carrots, tomato paste, 1/2 the tomato and about 1/2 the cilantro and cayenne, paprika, cumin, red pepper flakes and black pepper in the slow cooker.  Add the water you soaked the chipotle in, but set the pepper itself aside.  Stir.  Add black and red beans, layer sausage on top, layer remaining tomato and cilantro.  Add baked beans over top - spread to cover the sausage, sprinkle with more cumin, black pepper, crushed pepper and cayenne to taste.  Dig a little hole, right in the middle of the cooker, tuck your chipotle in this whole and bury it.  Set your slow cooker to low.  Cook 8 - 10 hrs.  Do not lift the lid until at least 8 hrs have passed - keeping things moist and sealed is what makes this tasty.  Test potatoes - they should be soft but not mushy.  Remove chipotle, dice, return diced chipotle to pot, stir and serve.  Garnish with hot sauce and cheese as desired.  Enjoy!

I just made this this morning and the whole house is smelling so fine.  I make a variation of this on occasion, adding things like corn or green peppers or whatever's around.  Slow cookers are great!

[linnea]

Mmm! Goddamn, Mel. That sounds delicious.

I only make Weiner Wings at night when it's cool outside. Plus air conditioning helps.

[melack]

I just made some pretty delicious eggs this morning. I was planning on making a boring old omelet using a 4 cheese blend, but then I noticed a small tub of sun dried tomato pesto in the fridge and inspiration struck. I tossed some of that 4 cheese mexican blend into a bowl, added the sun dried tomatoes, a bit of mozzarella and some sliced up salami. Then I took a couple eggs and made an awesome scramble.

Granted, I'm not much at all of a cook, but this was pretty damn good by my measly standards.

[theinevitable]

I ate two small crab-meat burritos.

steps:
1. open the can of crab meat. it is quality stuff, not the bad kind.
2. drain this meat.
3. put some slices of cheddar onto a tortilla (or two!)
4. pretend to be rachel ray: strip down to your BVDs, then put the tortillas into the oven to warm them with a big smile on your face
5. take them out, dole some crabmeat onto them
6. roll them up
7. eat most of one, feel kind of sick, put them in the fridge with some plastic wrap over them.

[CortJstr]

I'm at my parents house for the week and food here is pretty horrifying. Cans of Kraft parm in the fridge, a container of lunch meat in the fridge that according to the package is like 30% "flavor solution", and no plastic/nylon/silicone cooking utensils despite having all non-stick cookware. And my grandma insists on doing all the cooking herself, even though she can't reliably tell the difference between Low and Off on the stove.

The worst part: she made pork chops with cream of mushroom soup and cream of celery soup then added salt before she ate.

Although it has been a really long time since I've had homemade sloppy joes.

[side_show]

Yuck.  Old people food.  For my parents it's Diet Decaffinated Coke and a wide variety of other foods that poorly impersonate real foods.  And the most exotic spice is... garlic salt.

[theinevitable]

oh PS I forgot these steps:

make the crabmeat into "crabmeat salad":
1. add some mayonaisse
2. add some paprika
3. add some onion powder
4. mix.

[wombat]

a container of lunch meat in the fridge that according to the package is like 30% "flavor solution"

OMG. I've never seen that. I wouldn't even feed that to the dogs.

But obviously it's not only old people who eat gross stuff.  Inev, if that really was a can of good crab meat, why did you do such cruel things to it? No wonder you felt sick.

[side_show]

*food snob on* Good crab meat doesn't come from a can. *food snob off*

[jaydub]

I think he was contrasting it with Imitation Crab Meat, which if I recall correctly, is artificially colored pollock (giraffe).

[Nabubrush]

I think he was contrasting it with Imitation Crab Meat, which if I recall correctly, is artificially colored pollock (giraffe).

In my house, we call that "krab-u-lux".