Smells: How do you know? I ask because before Pedro proposed, I suspected, but could not say with certainty.
Well over time it has always been clearly state by the SO that he fully supported my lack of desire for marriage because of my dislike of the whole concept, but that he would marry me in a heart beat should I change my mind. As many folks here know, about a year ago, I went through some heavy stuff with my family, where I talked with my parents for the first time about my mother's abuse and my father's abandonment. To no one's surprise, mom showed no interest in putting things right, or getting the psychiatric care she obviously needs, and dad continued to deny the whole situation, so I removed my self from the cycle of abuse by removing myself from their lives. Though it's sad, I've achieved a peace and stability I've never known before now that I'm no longer experiencing a constant onslaught of unkindness.
So during this year of healing, I've come to realize who my real family is, and it's not biology in most cases (though a really great relationship with my sister has bloomed). My family is my friends, and my family is my SO's family. The SO and his family have given me the love I didn't get growing up. They've loved me unconditionally, and without judgment. My SO himself especially, but his whole clan... are just beautiful people. They're my people. I start to re-frame marriage in my mind, not as some loss of identity, but a claiming of my true identity. The SO and I have discussions related to this, and he is clearly happy that I want to marry him.
Flash to January, I was informed by two companies of huge importance that they would be producing my plays next season, and are needing some info before their seasons are announced May 1st. The productions were both a long time coming, but now they are really 100% happening. And we're talking about my name becoming known nationally. My name.... It suddenly occurs to me, that my highly unusual family name, is one I no longer want, and especially not one that I want to bring acclaim to. Suddenly it becomes clear to me that I have the perfect opportunity to change my name. I tell the SO this, he agrees. I tell him that if we're going to get engaged that it will have to happen before May 1st so that we can tell people before all this publicity with my new name goes out to the general public (and our friends and loved ones with my future name on it. He says no problem. I know with 100% certainty that he's going to ask me to marry him. I don't know how, or exactly when, but I know it'll be pretty soon. The reason I'm thinking it will be today or tomorrow is that the SO is a terrible liar. And he came home with a bunch of weird stuff he doesn't usually carry around, and said he had to go out on errands today, and when I asked if I could come with since I have some shopping to do, he said "No.... No... you can't." So he left this afternoon, after acting weird since yesterday... and he took odd things with him... and, well, he's clearly up to something. And he made plans with me for tomorrow that are starting to seem like an odd excuse for whatever's really going on...
Soon I will be betrothed!
I never, in a million years thought I would ever get married, and I definitely never thought I'd take my husband's name. I never thought there could be a feminist reason to ever take your husband's name. But apparently there is. And apparently I am. Huh.
It's like a rebirth. This new me, that I'm just figuring out. As such, we're likely doing it the day before I turn 30. The other day it occurred to me that I get to have a new signature, a new official status, a new official family... It's pretty cool.
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Topic: Today I'm gonna... (Read 1349996 times)