The OFFICIAL Unofficial Achewood Message Board

Please login or register.

Login with username, password and session length
Advanced search  

News:

@achewood I once had the idea that, if only for a moment each night, everyone in the world was asleep at the same time. It made the world manageable.

Pages: 1 2 [3]   Go Down

Author Topic: Favorite Jokes.  (Read 6049 times)

0 Members and 1 Guest are viewing this topic.

littlefallsmets

  • Writer's Workshoppers
  • Philippe is standing on it.
  • *
  • Tiny cans of Dr Pepper: 363
  • Offline Offline
  • Gender: Male
  • Posts: 6294
  • the perfect is the enemy of the good
    • View Profile
    • this is where I jot down random ideas
Re: Favorite Jokes.
« Reply #30 on: February 11, 2009, 03:39:29 am »
I always thought the punchline was "Matt".
Logged
I do the Tweets @Cecconi140

pmcd9

  • Mod Squad
  • Dude since Knucklehead times
  • *
  • Tiny cans of Dr Pepper: 608
  • Offline Offline
  • Gender: Male
  • Posts: 12778
  • The Kid is up to no good
    • View Profile
Re: Favorite Jokes.
« Reply #31 on: February 11, 2009, 04:13:01 am »
Quote from: littlefallsmets on February 11, 2009, 03:39:29 am
I always thought the punchline was "Matt".

Matt was the boy with no arms or legs.
Logged
I hope I never have to refer to a scone in spoken conversation.

AugustWest

  • Over Easy
  • Philosopher King
  • Dude since Knucklehead times
  • *
  • Tiny cans of Dr Pepper: 774
  • Offline Offline
  • Gender: Male
  • Posts: 10549
  • Bulbous, also tapered.
    • View Profile
Re: Favorite Jokes.
« Reply #32 on: February 11, 2009, 04:48:27 am »
Quote from: pmcd9 on February 11, 2009, 04:13:01 am
Matt was the boy with no arms or legs.

Unless you:

Throw him in the ocean, then he's Bob;

Nail him to a wall, then he's Art;

Logged
Infinitely vast, infinitely detailed.

Doc

  • Growing Cucumbers of Impressive Dimensions
  • Writer's Workshoppers
  • Philippe is standing on it.
  • *
  • Tiny cans of Dr Pepper: 1408
  • Offline Offline
  • Gender: Male
  • Posts: 5017
  • an emergency backup pug
    • View Profile
Re: Favorite Jokes.
« Reply #33 on: February 11, 2009, 04:55:44 am »
How about take the build up of known jokes and then give them terrible endings?

What did the dog breeder call her shitzu bulldog cross?
Nothing, no reputable breeder would waste their time and money on something like that.
Logged
Inev: 'A lot of things are ridiculous if you think about them long enough, you know?'

pmcd9

  • Mod Squad
  • Dude since Knucklehead times
  • *
  • Tiny cans of Dr Pepper: 608
  • Offline Offline
  • Gender: Male
  • Posts: 12778
  • The Kid is up to no good
    • View Profile
Re: Favorite Jokes.
« Reply #34 on: February 11, 2009, 04:56:45 am »
Quote from: AugustWest on February 11, 2009, 04:48:27 am
Unless you:

Throw him in the ocean, then he's Bob

I thought they threw him in the ocean because he wanted to get fucked.  we'll he's fucked now.
Logged
I hope I never have to refer to a scone in spoken conversation.

Carlos del Vaca

  • The Mayor
  • VIP
  • Philippe is standing on it.
  • *
  • Tiny cans of Dr Pepper: 1316
  • Offline Offline
  • Gender: Male
  • Posts: 5007
  • Greetings from Banana Town
    • View Profile
    • bigfool.com
Re: Favorite Jokes.
« Reply #35 on: February 11, 2009, 03:36:38 pm »
You know the guy with no arms and legs who sits in a hole?
That's Phil.
Logged
My friends call me the Mayor.
My enemies don't call me anything.  'Cuz they're all dead.

jay-ell

  • Den Mother
  • VIP
  • Philippe is standing on it.
  • *
  • Tiny cans of Dr Pepper: 407
  • Offline Offline
  • Gender: Female
  • Posts: 7869
    • View Profile
Re: Favorite Jokes.
« Reply #36 on: February 11, 2009, 03:42:57 pm »
Doesn't Phil have a dog with no hind legs and metal balls? 

You know, Sparky? 
Logged
"I always hear 'punch me in the face' when you're speaking. But it's usually subtext." -- Martin Freeman as John Watson

Carlos del Vaca

  • The Mayor
  • VIP
  • Philippe is standing on it.
  • *
  • Tiny cans of Dr Pepper: 1316
  • Offline Offline
  • Gender: Male
  • Posts: 5007
  • Greetings from Banana Town
    • View Profile
    • bigfool.com
Re: Favorite Jokes.
« Reply #37 on: February 11, 2009, 08:56:29 pm »
And then there's their friend Russell who lives under a pile of leaves.
Logged
My friends call me the Mayor.
My enemies don't call me anything.  'Cuz they're all dead.

AugustWest

  • Over Easy
  • Philosopher King
  • Dude since Knucklehead times
  • *
  • Tiny cans of Dr Pepper: 774
  • Offline Offline
  • Gender: Male
  • Posts: 10549
  • Bulbous, also tapered.
    • View Profile
Re: Favorite Jokes.
« Reply #38 on: February 11, 2009, 09:00:57 pm »
Barb who sits on the fence...

Logged
Infinitely vast, infinitely detailed.

jay-ell

  • Den Mother
  • VIP
  • Philippe is standing on it.
  • *
  • Tiny cans of Dr Pepper: 407
  • Offline Offline
  • Gender: Female
  • Posts: 7869
    • View Profile
Re: Favorite Jokes.
« Reply #39 on: February 11, 2009, 09:40:23 pm »
Oh!  Oh!  My favorite joke! 

A cowboy walked into a bar and ordered a whiskey. When the bartender delivered the drink, the cowboy asked, "Where is everybody?"

The bartender replied, "They've gone to the hanging."

"Hanging?  Who are they hanging?"

"Brown Paper Pete," the bartender replied.

"Why do they call him Brown Paper Pete?" the cowboy asked.

"Well,"said the bartender, "he always wears a brown paper hat, brown paper shirt, brown paper chaps and brown paper boots."

"That's odd," said the cowboy, "but what are they hanging him for?"

The bartender looked the cowboy right in the eye and said, "Rustlin'." 
Logged
"I always hear 'punch me in the face' when you're speaking. But it's usually subtext." -- Martin Freeman as John Watson

Ruta Bagas

  • Dr. Andretti
  • Tiny cans of Dr Pepper: 108
  • Offline Offline
  • Gender: Male
  • Posts: 426
  • Is that a shiny ring?
    • View Profile
    • The World Is Lovely
Re: Favorite Jokes.
« Reply #40 on: February 11, 2009, 10:50:43 pm »
Quote from: Doc on February 11, 2009, 04:55:44 am
What did the dog breeder call her shitzu bulldog cross?

This reminds me. I went to the zoo the other day, but all they had there was one, single dog...
Logged

Ben-San

  • -=Ray=-
  • Tiny cans of Dr Pepper: 164
  • Offline Offline
  • Posts: 1259
  • Two-Fisted Detective
    • View Profile
Re: Favorite Jokes.
« Reply #41 on: February 12, 2009, 07:41:35 am »
A lot of my favorite jokes are the result of reading Wikipedia articles about Cold War Soviet Bloc humor.

The Commissar of East Berlin is a cheerful fellow. In the morning, he throws wide his window and says "Guten morgen, friend sun!" And the sun replies "Guten morgen, friend Commissar!" At lunchtime, he leans out the window, smiles at the bright noonday sky, and shouts "Guten tag, friend sun!" And the sun replies "Guten tag, friend Commissar!" After dinner, he goes to the window, looks at the setting sun, and whispers with a smile "Guten abend, friend sun." And the sun replies "You go fuck yourself, I'm in the West now."

Also: What's the difference between the Party government's space program and the Party government's owned grocery stores? The space program admits they're putting dogs in it.
Logged
Pages: 1 2 [3]   Go Up
« previous next »