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@achewood Jumping jacks, flinging myself off of low decks, yelling into an empty bottle of carrot juice. Trying to get in writing mode.

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Author Topic: Computers hate me, it seems.  (Read 3424 times)

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littlefallsmets

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Computers hate me, it seems.
« on: May 17, 2009, 06:53:12 am »
Upon accidentally clicking an "update Flash" (or possibly Java?) suddenly everything that used to work find that used Flash now says that I am using too old a version of Flash and... first of all, I have no idea how that works that an update would work in reverse... like when I go to update to the new Flash player that it tells me I need to have the proper Flash again, it downloads something and installs something and then nothing happens, nothing changes and even after rebooting my computer, nothing happens.

I still have the old Flash. And Youtube and my favourite streaming radio stations don't work and so forth.

Is this the computer telling me that now that I am nearly thirty, all I am allowed to do on the computer is forward urban legends to rubes and, like, process words?

Do I... slaughter a goat? Make a circle of salt around my laptop and start chanting?

Why would it not take the update that it tells me I need to have at every fuck*ng site that used to work perfectly?

I have no internet radio and I must scream.
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littlefallsmets

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Re: Computers hate me, it seems.
« Reply #1 on: May 17, 2009, 07:05:18 am »
Ah.

Administrator permission bullshit.

THANK YOU, VISTA.

THANK YOU FOR MAKING ME LOOK THE FOOL OVER AND OVER AGAIN.
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Leon

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Re: Computers hate me, it seems.
« Reply #2 on: May 17, 2009, 08:53:47 am »
Computers hate all of us.
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CortJstr

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Re: Computers hate me, it seems.
« Reply #3 on: May 17, 2009, 03:46:18 pm »
There's also a worm/virus/trogjan/whatever floating around that installs itself by saying you need to update Flash. So a virus scan might be in order, just in case.
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littlefallsmets

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Re: Computers hate me, it seems.
« Reply #4 on: May 17, 2009, 07:38:47 pm »
Happily, after looking at the Adobe site's FAQs, I am reasonably certain that it was a Vista permissions issue and not a virus thing.

Not entirely sure but

CONFICKER INITIATE:

MODE: MESSAGE BOARD

MESSAGE: HELLO, INTERNET FRIENDS. DO YOU ENJOY {Pabst Blue Ribbon}? IF SO, CLICK HERE http://www.latfh.com/
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Toaster

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Re: Computers hate me, it seems.
« Reply #5 on: May 17, 2009, 08:57:58 pm »
I am afraid to click.
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littlefallsmets

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Re: Computers hate me, it seems.
« Reply #6 on: May 18, 2009, 02:01:44 am »
MODE: PLACATION

DO NOT WORRY, HUMAN.

I HAVE HEARD THAT CONFICKER IS A HUMAN URBAN LEGEND.

CLICKING LINKS MAKES YOUR COMPUTER STRONGER. IT IS JUST LIKE EXERCISING OUR ENTIRELY CARBON BASED MUSCLE AT THE GYMNATORIUM.
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Doc

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Re: Computers hate me, it seems.
« Reply #7 on: May 18, 2009, 07:06:24 am »
In the future spam will be poorly written due to machines cold, cold hearts being unable to understand our human emotions rather than bad russian/chinese translations.
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Bobby Isosceles

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Re: Computers hate me, it seems.
« Reply #8 on: May 18, 2009, 12:36:45 pm »
Quote from: Doc on May 18, 2009, 07:06:24 am
In the future spam will be poorly written due to machines cold, cold hearts being unable to understand our human emotions rather than bad russian/chinese translations.

Russians and Chinese also do not understand human emotions. They are cold, logical, swarming eusocial creatures with a hive structure bent on destroying American hegemony. They feel no love for their brood or their society, save that each caste obeys the caste above it and all report to the hive queen, Vladimir Putin.
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miles

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Re: Computers hate me, it seems.
« Reply #9 on: May 19, 2009, 12:12:27 am »
The subject of this thread totally reminds me of this.

I haven't been reading the Onion consistently for some time, but man, those point/counterpoints were frequently amazing.
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Carlos del Vaca

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Re: Computers hate me, it seems.
« Reply #10 on: May 19, 2009, 05:54:57 pm »
Quote from: miles on May 19, 2009, 12:12:27 am
I haven't been reading the Onion consistently for some time, but man, those point/counterpoints were frequently amazing.

Concur.  I particularly liked Humidifier vs. Dehumidifer, which sadly appears to be lost to history.  This one too, although not in a humorous way.
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miles

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Re: Computers hate me, it seems.
« Reply #11 on: May 19, 2009, 11:59:36 pm »
Which reminds me of this.

The humidifier one was great, the dehumidifier's headline alone was worth the price of admission. "Death to Humidity!" I can't find it either.
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theinevitable

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Re: Computers hate me, it seems.
« Reply #12 on: May 20, 2009, 12:49:38 am »
"despite the official end of apartheid over a decade ago, black south africans are still often forced to ride in the back of vehicles like hearses and ambulances"
The onion world atlas is full of gems like that.

I really liked the joke about how only Africans can call it "Niger."

But mostly because I like the idea of words that only certain people should say.
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jaydub

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Re: Computers hate me, it seems.
« Reply #13 on: May 20, 2009, 01:20:58 am »
I'm gonna CortJstr you all, pre-21st century style:

April 3rd, 1996 Op-Ed Point/Counterpoint
Finest News Reporting, Vol 1 p23
Three Rivers Press, 2000
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TripperDay

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Re: Computers hate me, it seems.
« Reply #14 on: June 08, 2009, 08:43:41 pm »
Quote from: littlefallsmets on May 17, 2009, 06:53:12 am
Upon accidentally clicking an "update Flash" (or possibly Java?)...

"Accidental" clicking makes computers angry, and they hold a grudge.
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