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[AugustWest]

That one's kind of funny, but I'm a sucker for a pun.

[pmcd9]

This one came to me in email form, but it's the same exact text and pictures as this page.

Are people actually still shocked and or surprised to see women in positions of authority or was that just for effect to drive the cockpit/box office joke home?

I guess the only thing offensive about this one other than the sexism is the fact that it's probably made up.

[pmcd9]

And here's one of the funny one's I've been promising.

A cowboy, who just moved to Wyoming from Texas, walks into a bar and orders three mugs of draught beer. He sits in the back of the room, drinking a sip out of each one in turn. When he finishes them, he comes back to the bar and orders three more.  The bartender approaches and tells the cowboy, 'You know, a mug goes  flat after I draw it.  It would taste better if you bought one at a  time.' The cowboy replies, 'Well, you see, I have two brothers. One is in Arizona , the other is in Colorado .. When we all left our home in  Texas , we promised that we'd drink this way to remember the days when  we drank together. So I'm drinking one beer for each of my brothers and  one for myself.'  The bartender admits that this is a nice custom, and leaves it there.

The cowboy becomes a regular in the bar, and always drinks the same way. He orders three mugs and drinks them in turn. One day, he comes in and only orders two mugs.  All the regulars take notice and fall silent. When he comes back to the bar for the second round, the bartender says, 'I don't want to intrude on your grief, but I  wanted to offer my condolences on your loss.' The cowboy looks quite puzzled for a moment, then a light dawns in his eyes and he laughs. 'Oh, no, everybody's just fine, ' he explains, 'It's just that my wife and I joined the Baptist Church and I had to quit drinking.' 'Hasn't affected my brothers though."

[jay-ell]

Whatever you give a women, she will make greater. If you give her sperm, she’ll give you a baby. If you give her a house, she’ll give you a home. If you give her groceries, she’ll give you a meal. If you give her a smile, she’ll give you her heart. She multiplies and enlarges what is given to her. So, if you give her any crap, be ready to receive a ton of s**t!

Okay, now *that* is funny.

[pmcd9]

Oooooh, you just killed Beethoven!

So what is he saying here, that the right wingers were too hard on Bill Clinton?

2 TOUGH QUESTIONS.... INTERESTING
 
 
Question 1:
If you knew a woman who was pregnant, who had 8 kids already, three who were deaf, two who were blind, one mentally retarded, and she had syphilis, would you recommend that she have an abortion?

Read the next question before looking at the response for this one.

Question 2:
It is time to elect a new world leader, and only your vote counts. Here are the facts about the three candidates.
 
Candidate A:
Associates with crooked politicians, and consults with astrologists. He's had two mistresses. He also chain smokes and drinks 8 to 10 Martinis a day.

Candidate B:
He was kicked out of office twice, sleeps until noon, used opium in college and drinks a quart of whisky every evening.

Candidate C:
He is a decorated war hero. He's a vegetarian, doesn't smoke, drinks an occasional beer and never committed adultery.

Which of these candidates would be our choice?

Decide first... No peeking, and then scroll down for the response.

 
Candidate A is Franklin D. Roosevelt.
Candidate B is Winston Churchill.
Candidate C is Adolf Hitler.
 
And, by the way, on your answer to the abortion question:  If you said YES, you just killed Beethoven.
 
Pretty interesting isn't it?
Makes a person think before judging someone.

Remember:

Amateurs ... Built the ark.
Professionals ... Built the Titanic

[KeithHernandez]

Damn, I had no idea Winston Churchill and I had so much in common.  I would have chosen him.

Also, Tea Baggers don't know the whole Hitler was a vegetarian against smoking thing?

[miles]

Candidate A:
Associates with crooked politicians, and consults with astrologists. He's had two mistresses. He also chain smokes and drinks 8 to 10 Martinis a day.

...

Candidate A is Franklin D. Roosevelt.

So my first thought after reading Candidate A's description was "huh, I didn't know Reagan was a chain smoker." I guess it's just the whole astrology connection.

[Doc]

I think it's a thing that in wartime who you want in office is the exact opposite of who you want the rest of the time.

[theinevitable]

Shit my ash says.

[AugustWest]

Good line, buddy!

Will it help explain if I added that Clinton had it as well but neither of the Bush clan or Carter had it?

BTW, Obama...pending. But I don't like the trend signs.

Hmm.  Fair enough. 

I'd say that both Nixon and Johnson had it.

[AugustWest]

I doubt it.  They had very different styles -- Ike's lent itself much more to the presidency.

Grant was a man of action.  His strength as a general was that he understood that he had to destroy the other side's army in order to win the war.

Ike was a supreme administrator and master of logistics.  He was diplomatic enough to manage both Montgomery and Patton at the same time.  Those are the skills that made him an effective president. 

[theinevitable]

I would totally vote for either Ash or Aug for president.

and not just because I hope you'd give me a job.

[pmcd9]

Since the last few I've posted have been pretty tame and/or funny here's one that is blatantly racist.

This morning I went to sign my dogs up for welfare.  At first the lady said, "Dogs are not eligible to draw welfare." So I explained to her that my dogs are mixed in color, unemployed, lazy, can't speak English and have no clue who their Daddys are. 

They expect me to feed them, provide them with housing and medical care.

So she looked in her policy book to see what it takes to qualify.

My dogs get their first checks Fridayl

Isn't this is a great country?

[theinevitable]

Apparently this boy was the son of someone meeting with Pres. Obama, and he wondered if their hair felt the same.



Paul, I have had multiple people on food stamps complain that their dog food is not covered by food stamps. Did not think the nicest things when that happened.

[Nabubrush]

The one thing that bothers me when people panhandle is when they are wearing complicated makeup.