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[pmcd9]

Okay, that was pretty funny.  It was probably aided by the fact that I was expecting it to turn political so the punchline was a real surprise, but still..

A guy is driving around the back woods of Montana and he sees a sign in front of a broken down shanty-style house:  'Talking Dog For Sale '  He rings the bell and the owner appears and tells him the dog is in the backyard.

The guy goes into the backyard and sees a nice looking Labrador retriever sitting there. 'You talk?' he asks. 'Yep,' the Lab replies. After the guy recovers from the shock of hearing a dog talk, he says 'So, what's your story?' The Lab looks up and says, 'Well, I discovered that I could talk when I was pretty young. I wanted to help the government, so I told the CIA. In no time at all they had me jetting from country to country, sitting in rooms with spies and world leaders, because no one figured a dog would be eavesdropping.' 'I was one of their most valuable spies for eight years running. But the jetting around really tired me out, and I knew I wasn't getting any younger so I decided to settle down.. I signed up for a job at the airport to do some undercover security, wandering near suspicious characters and listening in. I uncovered some incredible dealings and was awarded a batch of medals.' 'I got married, had a mess of puppies, and now I'm just retired..'

The guy is amazed. He goes back in and asks the owner what he wants for the dog. 'Ten dollars,' the guy says. 'Ten dollars?  This dog is amazing! Why on earth are you selling him so cheap?' 'Because he's a liar. He never did any of that shit.'

[Carlos del Vaca]

That is pretty good.  Here's a similar one I heard.

A ventriloquist is driving to his next gig when his car breaks down.  He walks to a nearby farmhouse, and uses their phone to call for a tow.  While he's waiting, he asks the farmer if he can have a look around the farm.  The farmer says sure, and gives him the tour.

When they get to the stable, the ventriloquist decides to have some fun with the farmer.  "How you hosss doin'?  How's life here?"
"Oh, not bad," they say.  "We get enough to eat, and don't have to work too hard.  It gets cold in here at night, though.  We could use some more blankets."
The farmer looks surprised, because his hosss have never talked before, but he doesn't say anything.  They walk to the pig pen next, and the ventriloquist says "Hey pigs, how's life here on the farm?"
"Pretty good," say the pigs.  "We could always use more slop, though."
The farmer looks even more bewildered.  Next they approach the sheep pasture.  And the farmer says, "Now, just so you know, them sheep are liars."

[theinevitable]

My coworker told me that the reason I can't find a job doing any of the things i want to do is because Obama wants to hurt the economy, not start programs that will help it.

Kind of funny to think that there is someone who thinks Democrats are against huge, expensive economic programs that benefit inner cities and minorities.

[Nabubrush]

I first saw that Colt ad in this Cracked bit. You might find some stuff in here entertaining.

[jay-ell]

That last one...I kinda hope it's not a real ad, y'know?

Having done extensive research in archives of popular magazines from the 1930s, 40s, and 50s, I can assure you that even if that last one isn't real, there are plenty of real ones out there just like it and much, much worse.

You know you picked the right field when you come home from a long day at the library riled up and pissed off.

[theinevitable]

today, my mom had a really good idea. I should probably look for anthropologists who are looking for assistants. I had never had that idea! What a great idea.

man, sarcasm is so low-down and mean and unproductive. It just get frustrating to be given the same bad advice again and again and again.

[JorgeFabregas]

Maybe you could start your own anthropological firm. Hang a shingle.

[wombat]

today, my mom had a really good idea. I should probably look for anthropologists who are looking for assistants. I had never had that idea! What a great idea.

And then you could work your way up to being a professor!

(When I was working as a research assistant and told my mom I was applying to graduate school she actually asked why I couldn't do that. But she never went to college, she had an excuse to be ignorant of that sort of detail.)

[KeithHernandez]

The nerve of some people.

For some reason I feel like this is aimed at you, inev.

[theinevitable]

she also told my younger brother that I turned down a job I was offered. I can't figure out where she could have gotten that.

[greenkoolayd]

parents just dont understand.

[theinevitable]

yesterday a lady called my coworker a "motherfuck*ng faggot" and I had this unbelievable urge to go off on her. She said this, walked away from him, and was going on and on about how he "thought he was more of a woman than me." No fuck*ng idea what that meant.

later everyone was asking him why he didn't call a manager over to have her ejected from the store. It is funny how grown-ups have ways of handling conflict other than the only options I see when in that situation:
1. tell this woman that she is human garbage, get the fuck out of this store you seeping cunt.
2. say nothing and feel like a coward.

[wombat]

later everyone was asking him why he didn't call a manager over to have her ejected from the store. It is funny how grown-ups have ways of handling conflict other than the only options I see when in that situation:
1. tell this woman that she is human garbage, get the fuck out of this store you seeping cunt.
2. say nothing and feel like a coward.

Yes: the grownup way of doing this is to call a manager to tell the customer some equivalent of #1. This is because you will get fired for doing it and s/he will not.

Of course, it depends on the job. I once said something to a customer that made her storm out without buying anything, with the store owner standing right there next to me. But this woman had pissed us both off so much that my boss was basically all "yes! good riddance!"

But basically I think a very important life lesson is to know when to kick the problem upstairs.

[Carlos del Vaca]

Indeed.  Whoever said "The customer is always right" was an idiot.  Because sometimes the customer is an asshole with an overbearing sense of entitlement. 

[Nabubrush]

Indeed.  Whoever said "The customer is always right" was an idiot.  Because sometimes the customer is an asshole with an overbearing sense of entitlement. 

When people say the customer is always right, they mean the customer's money is always right.