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[miles]

Lady who I dated 20 something years ago who cheated on me and stole 800 dollars.

Oh man, I don't know what's worse. I mean, one would hurt worse, obviously, but I would get over that. But I would be so fuck*ng pissed if someone stole money from me.

I leant about that much to a girl I dated years ago to buy a laptop, and she took forever to pay me back and only gave me part of it. I wasn't mad because those are the risks of lending to friends. She sent me a couple hundo through paypal couple years ago, and I couldn't bring myself to take it. And I definitely could have used it. Pride thing I guess. Took a lot of satisfaction from it. But for some reason, if she stole it, I could never let it go.

[pmcd9]

This was written by a black gentleman inTexas and is so funny. What a great sense of humor And creativity!!!

When U Black, U Black
When I was born, I was BLACK ,
When I grew up, I was BLACK ,When I go in the sun, I stay BLACK,When I get cold, I am BLACK ,
When I am scared, I am BLACK ,
When I am sick, I am BLACK ,
And when I die, I'll still be BLACK .

NOW, You 'white' folks......

When you're born, you're PINK ,
When you grow-up, you're WHITE ,
When you go in the sun, you get RED ,
When you're cold, you turn BLUE ,
When you're scared, you're YELLOW ,
When you get sick, you're GREEN ,
When you bruise, you turn PURPLE ,
And when you die, you look GRAY .
So who y'all be callin'
C O L O R E D   Folks?

[Doc]

Isn't that a Chris Rock bit? Or maybe an old Eddy Murphy bit?

Either way there's something vaguely unnerving about his introductory line which capitalizes and, and apparently requires three exclamation points.

[Nabubrush]

I recently saw the escalator/stairs bit (I think in an online comic) and then days later saw something crediting Mitch Hedberg with it. I wish I could remember where I saw it ganked from him.

[pmcd9]

That's funny terrible, I don't care who you are.

In South Los Angeles, a Quad-plex was destroyed by a fire. A Mexican Family of six, all welfare recipients and gang members lived on the first floor, and they all died. An Islamic Group of seven welfare cheats, all illegally in the country from Kenya, lived on the second floor, and they too all perished in the fire. Six LA Hispanic Gang Bangers from LA, and Three Ex-cons, lived on the 3rd floor and they too died.
 A lone White Couple lived on the top floor.  They both survived the fire.
               
 Jesse Jackson, John Burris and Al Sharpton were furious.  They flew into LA and met with the Fire Chief, on camera.  They loudly emanded to know why all the Blacks, Muslims and Hispanics died in the fire and why only the White Couple lived
 
The Fire Chief said, "They were both at work."

[AugustWest]

Posted on Facebook by some dolt I went to high school with:

SO LET ME GET THIS STRAIGHT ... If you cross the North Korean border illegally, you get 12 yrs. hard labor. If you cross the Afghanistan border illegally, you get shot. Two Americans just got eight years for crossing the Iranian border. If you cross the U. S. border illegally you get a job, a drivers license, food stamps, a place to live, health care, housing & child benefits, education, & a tax free business for 7 yrs ...No wonder we are a country in debt.

Ignoring all the factual misstatements, are you really saying that we should strive to follow the great examples set by North Korea, Afghanistan and Iran?  So we can be more like them?  Really?

[Carlos del Vaca]

Roughly 90% of the time, any time anyone starts with "SO LET ME GET THIS STRAIGHT," they're about to write something that at best ignores all the subtlety and nuance of the original position in favor of confirming their own biases, and at worst is completely idiotic.

[pmcd9]

Just for balance I thought I'd share this as I actually chuckled a little bit at the end.

I would like to share with you an experience I recently had regarding drinking and driving. As you would know, most of us have had brushes with the law on our way home before.  Well I for one, have done something about it. The other night I was out for dinner and a few drinks with some friends. Having had a few too many beers and knowing full well I was struggling, I did something Ive never done before... I took a bus home.  I arrived home safely and without incident, which was a real surprise as I have never driven a bus before.

[pmcd9]

Man, now I want to drive a bus...

Me too.  I really want to drive a big rig.  That looks like fun.

[pmcd9]

They still think the President was born in Kenya

Subject: Fwd: OBAMA ADMITS HE WAS BORN IN KENYA

Wonder if this is true?


He made this statement before he learned that he had to be a
natural born citizen in this country to be a candidate for the presidency.
His backers try to make this an issue of RACE.....IT'S NOT!
HE ADMITS....RIGHT ON CAMERA....THAT HE'S NOT
A CITIZEN OF THE UNITED STATES!
By virtue of that, he is ineligible to sit in the office of the PRESIDENT OF THE UNITED STATES!!!

Circulate this before it is pulled from the internet.

 If you just watch the first 30 seconds your mouth will drop open.

 Obama admits he is not a citizen

THE AMAZING PART OF THIS TRAVESTY IS AMERICANS CONTINUE ALLOWING THEMSELVES TO BE RULED BY AN ILLEGAL ALIEN..
Watch it before it’s pulled!

http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=MwhKuunp8D8&feature=player_embedded <http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=MwhKuunp8D8&feature=player_embedded>

[jay-ell]

They still think the President was born in Kenya

I was really hoping that was a Rick Roll.

Ash, after a lesson on the Vietnam war, my dad's students greeted him the following morning by chanting, "Hey, Hey, Mr. K., How many kids did you kill today?" (He has a reputation as a hard-ass.) He thought it was pretty hilarious.

[pmcd9]

Was used at Grover Cleveland in regards to his little bastard issues. This shit's been going on a long time.

But... Grover Cleveland really did have an illegitimate child.  And most of the rest of that stuff you mentioned has at least some basis in truth as well. 

[side_show]

In reverse of all the dickishness out there, working around a lot of people who respect every creature can also have it's pitfalls.  I understand that it is culturally part of our traditional teaches to respect all creatures and life, however now that fall is coming flies have started coming into my office, and the more traditional of my coworkers are opposed to killing them.  This leads to horrible annoyance of flies buzzing around my head and face on occasion.  I'm currently in the office with a big hoss fly whomping into the windows, and I am so fighting the urge to roll up a magazine and deal with the situation. 

[wombat]

Are those people all vegetarians? Because if not, I say you crush the little fucker.

[side_show]

Ha!  Look like a fly, while protecting yourself from flies.

As for traditional practices in regard to eating animals, traditionalists believe animals are only to be killed if absolutely necessary for the intended purposes of nourishment, clothing and shelter.  When an animal is to be killed, prayers of thanks are said, the animal is treated in a way that is respectful and great effort is gone to to ensure no part of the animal is wasted.  For example the traditional method of tanning a moose hide uses the animal's brains to treat the hide.  There's also a lot of effort to provide life to the spirit of the animal after it's been killed - for example when using deer hide to make a drum, once the drum is fully dried there is a ritual to "wake up" the spirit of the animal, and the drum is then considered "alive," with it's own particular character.  When I assisted one traditional man with making such a drum, we ensured that all the tiny little scrap bits of hide were carefully collected so that he could take the pieces, pray over them and return them to the earth, along with an offering of sacred medicines.

I've actually been meaning to ask one of our elders to educate me on the traditional practices for disposing of leather moccasins, because I've got a pair that's no longer wearable.

Anyway, yeah, it's not like they're just smug assholes who oppose killing a fly while chomping on a Whopper or anything.  If I raised a fuss, they'd share some teaching about how "creator is sending a message" and probably have some age old story about flies that's full of wisdom.

None of this makes a fly buzzing around my head any less annoying though.