...within the LGBTQ community there are plenty of folks who are part of the community for gender-based reasons unrelated to their sexual orientation, or attracted to all genders or the opposite gender or into kink that is unrelated to gender.
This.
Most people think of me as straight, since I am in a monogamous hetero marriage, but most of those who know that I am also attracted to women call me bi. There are a few prescriptivists who tell me I can't be bi because I am monogamously married to a man, and if I'm not in a position to have sex with women I'm disqualified from using the term. Fuck those people.
I think of myself more as a queer person than bisexual, though, because there's more to my sexuality than just being attracted to both genders. I'm about 60/40 in favor of men, but there are also other dynamics at work that fall outside strict gender lines. For example, I tend to be attracted to androgynous people, and those who
defy their biological gender roles (NSFW).
In the past, I've rebelled against expectations for my own gender, but I'm too old and too busy trying to raise my own expectation-defying children to worry about whether people think I'm butch, femme, or somewhere in between. Plus, I've found a niche among nerdy people who are pretty accepting of others' quirks, so I don't feel the need to dress in boy's clothing or dye my hair purple as a way of warning people not to try to put me in a particular category. But I'd consider "queer" to be one of those labels that can go either way -- yes, people sometimes do say it with hatred, but the same can be said of the word "homosexual." If somebody despises a minority group, it doesn't matter what word they use to describe the "other;" the slur comes from the tone and intent, not from the word itself.
Other thoughts: I don't use the n-word. Ever. But, in spite of having two kids who are special-ed students, I sometimes refer to myself as "retarded." It's terrible, I never say it about other people or things, and I cringe every time I hear myself say it, but it was the slur of choice at my elementary school (much more common than "fag) and it's somewhat ingrained.
I mainly use it when I'm struggling with numbers, though, which is maybe apt. I mean, the word means "less advanced than expected for one's age." Well, I can't do math as well as you'd expect a thirty-something year old woman to be able to do. Doesn't that make me a little retarded?
Author
Topic: Shit my ________ says (Read 283064 times)