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[pmcd9]

In related news, had to go buy more sports bras today. The only one I had was too dirty to re-wear for yesterday's "run," and I became intimately and uncomfortably acquainted with the reasons why a lady definitely needs one.

Did you titty slap yourself in the face?

[AugustWest]

Put some steak on those black eyes!

[jay-ell]

Did you titty slap yourself in the face?

I'm not quite that well-endowed, and I did have a bra on, it was just a regular-activity bra instead of a duct-tape-those-puppies-down stylezz. It was just more discomfort that I've felt in that region since the kids were weaned. Not pleasant.

[side_show]

Things have gone to hell in a hand basket re: Bat-shit.  Instead of dealing with it when they sent me home as they said they would on Monday, they instead spent the time talking with HR who say I needed to use the specific words "bullying" or "harassed" in my conversations with her, and needed to give her a verbal warning to stop before going to a supervisor.  Have I mentioned that my supervisor sat one cubicle away for most of this, over hearing and sometimes participating in the situations?  So now I'm thinking about calling bullshit on what HR is telling me, as it is counter to what three supervisors related directed me to do over the past 2 plus months.  Fuuuuuuuuuuuckkkkkkkkk!

[pmcd9]

Aw man, what a load.  That is weapons grade bullshit right there.  Way to throw you under the bus.  Are all of your superiors spineless worms?

[Choop]

so make sure to give her a verbal warning tomorrow: "yeah, that HR stuff you had to go through was because of me. if you keep bullying and harassing me or anybody else in the office, i'll report you again." it'll be tense for a while, and she'll get the fuck over it or she won't and you'll have recourse through HR.



also give HR a verbal warning for allowing hate speech in the company for this long. wtf have they been doing, this is what they are for.

[side_show]

so make sure to give her a verbal warning tomorrow: "yeah, that HR stuff you had to go through was because of me.

No, you are missing the sad point.  She has gone though no "HR stuff." No one has spoken to her about anything at all.  No one but me.  I'm pretty sure this is how it went down:  her boss and her bosses boss were hot to fire her ass, they called HR and HR points out some policy no one has ever mentioned to me in the 8 incidents I have brought to the supervisors (three documented) over the past 2.5 mnths. 

I have lost all clairity of vision on this one, and spent all afternoon and night yesterday crying over this, typing up a rant to HR that I thankfully have decided to sleep on before sending... Fuuuuuuuuck.  It will get better.  I have a plan that is culturally based.  I am going to say no to HR's request and ask for a sharing circle instead.  At least that's what I think I'm going to do.  For now my bed time was 9 hours ago and I need to crash and come to this again with a rested mind.

[AugustWest]

This just supports my theory that HR people are universally dolts.

[pmcd9]

I guess what Choop is saying is that you need to go to bat shit and say to her that on date x, x, x etc., the incidents that have already occured,  "you were harrassing and bullying." There's your verbal warning.  Record it with your iphone too, I guess.

Basically, your bosses are spineless assholes and they are using HR to make you do your their job of confronting her.

[AugustWest]

Smells, my standard advice for people in workplace situations like this is "Document, Document, Document."  Keep a diary of your interactions with the irritant and with management.  You've done some of this on here, but it would be a good idea to keep it in a single place.  Also, let your supervisor and HR know, IN WRITING, that you feel harassed and that this person is creating an unsafe workplace environment for you.

As I said earlier, HR people are generally dolts. Management is interested in minimizing the amount of disturbance the situation is causing.  If they can do that more easily by putting the kibosh on you instead of her, don't be surprised if they do.  So you need to let management and HR know very clearly that you will make as much if not more work and trouble for them if they ignore you or try to bufffalo you.

[pmcd9]

I still have difficulty thinking that Canadian work place harassment laws and regulations are shittier than down here.

Me too.  I think this is more a case of bosses passing the buck than it is about shitty regs.

[side_show]

If y'all could see the vaguely worded, poorly written policy on harassment I agreed to (along with all the other poorly written policy I agreed to) way back as a new employee, you would understand the trap I'm in.  The wording is so non specific it can be easily manipulated to suit HR and managements needs.  I could easily jump this hoop and have them decide there's a another dozen hoops I need to jump.

What I've come to is this:  I do not give a fuck about the punitive and disciplinary actions HR and management may or may not want to take, and I am not interested in the hoop jumping required to satisfy their desire for me to act in a semantically appropriate fashion so that they can or can not proceed with whatever it is they plan to do.  I have no power over that, and it's their problem to solve, not mine.  What I need is to work in a non-hostile work environment, and what I truly need to do is to heal and forgive.  To be clear: forgiveness is not about saying her behavior is okay.  Forgiveness is about me undertaking the healing I need in order for this situation to no longer have power over me, so that I can move forward with living honestly and respectfully while letting go of the pain I've experienced. 

What I'm counter proposing to HR and Management is a sharing circle, which is a cultural practice we all frequently provide to the families and youth we support at our agency, where all affected people (management, this lady, the other staff involved) sit together,  we pass an eagle feather around the circle twice and each person gets to say their piece (you only speak when holding the feather).  I've become emotionally stuck, and I need to let this out to let it go.  What I need is to state to her how her behavior has hurt me, in a room with others as both witnesses and support, and to hold her accountable to change her behavior.  Likewise, management and other staff need to be accountable and a sharing circle requires the partici##### to both state and bare witness to their role in moving forward.  In return, I will be held accountable and gain understanding of any role I have in preventing this from escalating based on what everyone else shares.

In essence this blows the bureaucracy out of the water, and takes it to the human level.  It demands huge courage from me, but it also demands that everyone stop hiding and come out into the open, which has so far been central to the problem.  It demands this lady be accountable and if she isn't there will be group of witnesses to her behavior who are unable to deny it.  This is me taking ownership of the problem. 

Yup, so wish me luck.   

[AugustWest]

Good luck.

[Nabubrush]

Fortunately you are courageous as a motherfucker, so good luck to you!

[jay-ell]

I like bringing your culture's traditional practices into the mix. It feels right in this context. Good job, and good luck.