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Author Topic: Shit my ________ says  (Read 282030 times)

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theinevitable

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Re: Shit my ________ says
« Reply #1725 on: December 22, 2013, 08:16:58 pm »
I woke up to a note from my roommates saying "sorry Dan, we broke a bunch of glasses last night and were too drunk to clean it up. Wear shoes in the kitchen if you get this before we wake up."
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Social pressures exist
And if you think about them all of the time
You're gonna find that your head's been kicked in
You're gonna do it all for the grind

theinevitable

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Re: Shit my ________ says
« Reply #1726 on: December 22, 2013, 08:54:44 pm »
When my parents visited recently we saw a car pulled up onto a hill overlooking an exit ramp where there had been an accident, and my mom said "oh, there's a looky-loo!" I had never heard this before, but now every time I go past that hill I remember that phrase.

I also always have the thought that that little wooded hill, surrounded by highway, would be an exciting place to bone.

GUYS I'M TRYING, COME ON! I CAN'T RUN THE WHOLE BOARD ALONE.
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Social pressures exist
And if you think about them all of the time
You're gonna find that your head's been kicked in
You're gonna do it all for the grind

Arachno-capitalist

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Re: Shit my ________ says
« Reply #1727 on: December 22, 2013, 10:08:23 pm »
So they were too drunk to operate a broom and dustpan, but they were sober enough to write a note with instructions?
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Guy at my watering hole: "Acap, why do you keep coming to Jack's?They just serve shitty burgers and happen to have beers on tap."
Acap: I was thirsty one day and I sat down. A year later, Jack's was built around me and thirst is a recurring thing.

AugustWest

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Re: Shit my ________ says
« Reply #1728 on: December 22, 2013, 10:14:57 pm »
Quote from: theinevitable on December 22, 2013, 08:54:44 pm

GUYS I'M TRYING, COME ON! I CAN'T RUN THE WHOLE BOARD ALONE.

Dude, have some dignity.
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Carlos del Vaca

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Re: Shit my ________ says
« Reply #1729 on: December 23, 2013, 02:23:19 pm »
Quote from: theinevitable on December 22, 2013, 05:57:35 am
"I know! You totally don't make enough money to shop here, right??"

Did you punch her in the face?
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pmcd9

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Re: Shit my ________ says
« Reply #1730 on: December 24, 2013, 05:28:43 am »
Apparently it Didn't snow on the Pyramids for the first time in 112 years. I kept seeing this pics showing up and that headline, but I didn't find it interesting enough or didn't want to read depressing comments from people who don't believe in Global warning or something, but I never even questioned it in my mind. So thanks Cracked for setting me straight on that one that got by me.
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wombat

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Re: Shit my ________ says
« Reply #1731 on: December 24, 2013, 02:03:24 pm »
You know what's really sad about that? There were so many cool real photos people could have been passing around instead. Like the people who never get to build snowmen taking full advantage of the situation:



(yes, apparently I have nothing better to do today than follow all the links in that article.)
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Arachno-capitalist

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Re: Shit my ________ says
« Reply #1732 on: December 24, 2013, 05:08:50 pm »
ACAP: Oh dear god I need to spend the next two days with my family. Why can't it be a tradition to spend holidays with friends your own age?
Housemate: That holiday is called the weekend.
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Guy at my watering hole: "Acap, why do you keep coming to Jack's?They just serve shitty burgers and happen to have beers on tap."
Acap: I was thirsty one day and I sat down. A year later, Jack's was built around me and thirst is a recurring thing.

Carlos del Vaca

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Re: Shit my ________ says
« Reply #1733 on: December 24, 2013, 05:40:16 pm »
And also "New Years."
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KeithHernandez

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Re: Shit my ________ says
« Reply #1734 on: December 24, 2013, 07:04:39 pm »
And also Christmas? 
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Arachno-capitalist

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Re: Shit my ________ says
« Reply #1735 on: December 24, 2013, 07:26:39 pm »
 The family is having dinner at noon because my aunt needs a couple hours to put clothes on for work at 4. Mom and I have a bail plan to see The Wolf of Wall Street. The movie is based on the same man as Boiler Room. I know Mr.Belfort and I know his scheme. Boiler Room is the movie that changed my life.
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Guy at my watering hole: "Acap, why do you keep coming to Jack's?They just serve shitty burgers and happen to have beers on tap."
Acap: I was thirsty one day and I sat down. A year later, Jack's was built around me and thirst is a recurring thing.

Arachno-capitalist

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Re: Shit my ________ says
« Reply #1736 on: December 26, 2013, 02:26:59 am »
I have an ultra-religious cousin who doesn't believe in birth control, but that doesn't stop him from sleeping with his wife. They had 14 kids pictured in the Christmas card. My grandpa's comment on the matter was "He hangs his ##### on the bed post"
What? Is there a double meaning I'm missing?
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Guy at my watering hole: "Acap, why do you keep coming to Jack's?They just serve shitty burgers and happen to have beers on tap."
Acap: I was thirsty one day and I sat down. A year later, Jack's was built around me and thirst is a recurring thing.

Choop

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Re: Shit my ________ says
« Reply #1737 on: December 26, 2013, 03:51:03 am »
dude's gotten laid AT LEAST fourteen times

(it's a pu$$y not a clown car)  (sorry)
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Arachno-capitalist

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Re: Shit my ________ says
« Reply #1738 on: December 27, 2013, 02:50:27 am »
I had to live with those freaks while my mom attended a conference in DC about medical devises. My only memory was not getting to wash my undies when I wanted to and not getting milk for my cereal (milk is way too expensive when you have over a dozen kids).
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Guy at my watering hole: "Acap, why do you keep coming to Jack's?They just serve shitty burgers and happen to have beers on tap."
Acap: I was thirsty one day and I sat down. A year later, Jack's was built around me and thirst is a recurring thing.

pmcd9

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Re: Shit my ________ says
« Reply #1739 on: December 27, 2013, 04:44:14 pm »


I don't guess that's too readable. If not Click Here.
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