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[littlefallsmets]

Whereas I am really worried that if I am ever successful, I'm going to become one of those crazy people who really needs someone to sit in the back of my chariot and remind me that I am not a god as I return to Rome from a winning military campaign.

Except now they don't have those anymore. They have, like, personal assistants and publicists and stuff who do the opposite thing.

"You are a god, this is all you, this was all you, you are amazing, you did it all and you can do no wrong and if you think you're doing it wrong you shouldn't do it at all and you don't owe anyone anything because you are an island of magic and grace unto yourself, the only thing you owe anyone is the salaries of your hangers-on such as myself."

I'm not afraid of being inundated with reality by success but I desperately fear being isolated from reality by success.

To be so through the looking glass that I would post an angry letter to the internet explaining how awful it is to be able to make a living creatively and that everyone who helped me get there should fuck off with their expectations because it was all me me me me.

That's what scares the shit out of me.

[wombat]

You know, LFM, most people who are "successful" as writers are nowhere near THAT successful. So, I don't want to be mean here, but seriously, if that's one of your rationalizations for not finishing stuff, it's not a very good one.

[pmcd9]

I have nothing else to add to this discussion except to repeat that now I am really worried that someday I might have fans.

I don't have anything else to add to this discussion either except to point out that you already have fans so watch out!

[Nabubrush]

With Paul on this one.

[wombat]

That is SCARY.

[littlefallsmets]

My major rationalization for not finishing/submitting things is fear of being told they are bad and therefore I am bad, don't you worry.

The fear of the slanted vision of that comes with success is there but it is quite low on the list, an artifact of trying to make it in Los Angeles TV/Film for a few years.

If I suck at writing, I have almost no positive identity to fall back on, you know?

Without being good at writing, I fear that I am nothing more than a loose affiliation of affectations, childhood nostalgias, places I went to and failed, family associations and friendships toward which I am violently ambivalent, ideologies I learned from my father's old pulp science fiction novels, quotes from television shows, unhealed youthful traumas, arbitrary preferences, overblown grudges and embarassing bursts of naive enthusiasm held together by a flimsy network of hair, fat and delusions.

So I hold onto this tiny thing that I think is my own, firmly but gently in my closed hand for myself along.

Scared of crushing it in my fist but ten times more terrified that if someone looks in there, they'll tell me there's nothing there for protecting at all.

[side_show]

But this sort of thing wouldn't happen to you because you'd be kind and considerate to your fans.

I was always kind to my audiences.  That doesn't mean things weren't extremely fucked up when it came to the great divide between creation and interpretation.  

I had a grad student in tears at one point because she had based her thesis on a interpretation of my play that she clearly came to understand as false.  It's not my fault that she had this thesis, and it's not my fault that my play didn't turn out to mean the things she wanted it to mean.  It's not my fault that she flew from her country of origin to Canada to find this out, or that she spent months researching and consulting with her adviser only to have to figure out a way to overhaul everything at the 11th hour.  I still felt bad because she had devoted so much energy and thought to a theory that was wrong.  She said she had came to Canada to study my play because it was her favourite, but she said it in such a dejected way, because clearly the play she thought was her favorite turned out to not be about what she thought it was about.  

I still feel torn about this.  I sincerely believe people should be free to interpret all art however it resonates with them, but if you sit down with me, I will tell you my version of the truth.  

[Nabubrush]

I was always kind to my audiences.  That doesn't mean things weren't extremely fucked up when it came to the great divide between creation and interpretation.  

I had a grad student in tears at one point because she had based her thesis on a interpretation of my play that she clearly came to understand as false.  It's not my fault that she had this thesis, and it's not my fault that my play didn't turn out to mean the things she wanted it to mean.  It's not my fault that she flew from her country of origin to Canada to find this out, or that she spent months researching and consulting with her adviser only to have to figure out a way to overhaul everything at the 11th hour.  I still felt bad because she had devoted so much energy and thought to a theory that was wrong.  She said she had came to Canada to study my play because it was her favourite, but she said it in such a dejected way, because clearly the play she thought was her favorite turned out to not be about what she thought it was about.  

I still feel torn about this.  I sincerely believe people should be free to interpret all art however it resonates with them, but if you sit down with me, I will tell you my version of the truth.  

In college we just did this with dead people, so we were always right.

[CortJstr]

I still feel torn about this.  I sincerely believe people should be free to interpret all art however it resonates with them, but if you sit down with me, I will tell you my version of the truth.  

I've noticed Jenny Owen Youngs goes the opposite way on this. She's said she doesn't like to print the lyrics to her songs because she doesn't want to ruin them for somebody who's been mishearing a word or two all this time.

[pmcd9]

I still feel torn about this.  I sincerely believe people should be free to interpret all art however it resonates with them, but if you sit down with me, I will tell you my version of the truth.

I hate it so much when I get that 'I want to leave the interpretation up to the viewer' nonsense from an artist.    I'm a firm believer that the viewer can project whatever they want onto a piece of art, but if I ask directly and you don't have an answer i am going to assume you just didn't put a whole lot of thought into it.

I'll never forget the day I spent a couple of hours "interpreting" this work while I watched her paint.  She was kind enough to tell me that I was full of shit.

[robot_god]

Onstad is a piece-a SHIT.

I would drop kick him off a god damn cliff in fuck*ng Newport.

[pmcd9]

I would drop kick him off a god damn cliff in fuck*ng Newport.

You would probably kick Jesus.

[Doc]

I have nothing to add but: A sparrow birthing a clenched human fist.

Focus, people!

[Arachno-capitalist]

ITT: LFM admits it is the fear of crippling fame that prevents him from publishing. Also, I am not a professional baseball player because I don't want to be responsible for shattering the records of my heros. It wouldn't feel right.

[CortJstr]

You would probably kick Jesus.

You haven't heard my ideas!