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[pmcd9]

I wrote a review late last night, but then deleted it a little while later.  Anyway, what I was getting at, what did y'all think of sMets new comic?

[Nabubrush]

I wrote a review late last night, but then deleted it a little while later.  Anyway, what I was getting at, what did y'all think of sMets new comic?

I haven't read it all, but I did give a copy to a friend of mine who is really into comics. He said he will read it and pass it on to someone else.

[littlefallsmets]

It's okay if you all think it was terrible. I just dig that you all gave it a chance.

I'm startin' to write a third one either way.

[pmcd9]

To be perfectly honest Mike, I deleted my review because I thought it was too critical even though I was trying to give it a fair shake.  And I didn't want to be mean, especially given that it was my harping that made you put it out there.  I didn't entirely hate it though.

I've given it to my roommate who also loves comics so the jury is still out.

[wombat]

I need to read it again to say more but my main first impression was, I found it somewhat difficult to follow just in the sense of which text bubbles to read in what order. I am not smart about talking about art so this may not make sense but, I felt like you definitely had a style which was great, and the way you placed the bubbles was part of that style, but you need to figure out how to do that and still have a little more clarity.

[littlefallsmets]

I mean, I'm sorry you didn't like it, p, but I appreciate your honesty.

I'm not a great artist and I was definitely writing it self-indulgently, it's jokes and concepts that make me smile before anything else.

It's the second time I've tried such a thing. I think I'm getting better.

But as a rough little pocket-sized storyboard for the kinda show I'd wanna see on Adult Swim at 1:30 in the morning, I'm glad I made it.

And wombat, yeah, on my next one, I think I'm gonna have my girlfriend help me with the lettering stuff more, maybe even have her do the whole lettering digitally, I dunno.

I was trying to get across a sense of kinda embittered characters who rant and ramble and talk over each other and... I went too far, probably.

I was dialoguing for a film but in a comic and I do have to get better at that.

[wombat]

It isn't the lettering that is the problem. I like the lettering and it's perfectly legible and it has its own style. It's the layout of the text.

Take the third page: Once I have read all the text, I understand that I should have read first "How do you even type..." and then "Same way I..."  But when I first look at it, my eye is drawn to read "Same way..." first.

[Nabubrush]

So far I like the little French dude, but I've only read like ten panels.

[wombat]

So here are some more comments on the comic instead of doing my own work.

Here are some things that amused me: The explanation of the name of the store. "Fightin' Tangerines.' The UPS lady scene. The panel on the fifth page where he says "No? Nothing?" after being so loud in the previous panel. The name "Starchild McPherson." A genie in a bong. "Editor's Note." "Haven't you ever seen Twilight Zone... it's like a law" and his example wishes. "Fuckin modestly attractive boss."

And I like the pineapple. Is that supposed to refer to something I don't get, or is that just plain wacky?

However, I find on re-reading that I am having some trouble following the big picture even after figuring out how to follow the text balloons in each individual panel. I hate to say this because it makes me want to punch someone in the face when they say this to me, but the plot isn't quite clear.  I don't understand why trying to bootleg future music would result in raising Zombie Jerry Garcia (although Zombie Jerry Garcia also amused me) or does that happen because the two ladies are also getting a wish from the genie? And I had to re-read several time to work out what happens from the appearance of Jerry Garcia to the end.  You explain that Guns and Roses is the opposite of Jerry Garcia so that is a weapon against him, OK, but plot-wise, is that the song he got from the future, and does that matter?

Also I don't get a lot of the pop culture references - I don't know who the baseball player is and in the page where the song is playing , if those are spoof lyrics, they go right past me.  That is not a criticism but just so you know - that is the sort of thing where maybe you just have to decide that I am not your intended audience.

Also those twin ladies with the weird faces. Who are they? Customers? They work there? Greek chorus?

And almost entirely off topic: this made me think that someone should write a comic about a UPS lady.

In sum, I think you have some funny stuff in here, but I think you need to make it easier to follow and clearer to those of us who don't know everything you know.

[greenkoolayd]

arent you glad to have such intelligent and well-spoken people who care about you to tear your stuff to shreds? 

[side_show]

Behold Téléfrancais!.  LFM and I have been chatting a bit about it on FB.  I haven't read the comic, but I noticed he had a French Pineapple in the pictures he posted and made the connection.  I was forced to watch this show in school, as were several folks of my generation.  Not sure how LFM came to it.  I know he grew up near the Canadian border, so perhaps there was a station he saw as a kid that carried the show?  That one boy is the ultimate skeptic - he refuses to believe Pineapples talk, even when directly confronted with the fact that there is a mother fuckin' pineapple right in front of him chatting it up.  Téléfrancais is as fucked up as children's programming gets.  Non-sensical, but also with a slight sense of doom about the whole thing.

As for not getting the reference, I showed Téléfrancais to my hubby yesterday, and although we are only three years apart in age, he had never heard of it or seen it before.

[wombat]

arent you glad to have such intelligent and well-spoken people who care about you to tear your stuff to shreds? 

He should be. I wish I had more people like that.

This made me think, though, what a pain in the ass it must be to make a comic. It's hard enough when someone gives me feedback and I have to rewrite something. At least I don't have to also redraw it and make it fit in the right place on the page. Ugh.

[wombat]

Behold Téléfrancais!.  

WTF. It is like French surrealist children's TV. When the plane landed and the creepy-looking pilot showed up I had to stop watching. Stuff of nightmares.

[littlefallsmets]

Yeah, the pineapple is a parody of that character from Telefrancais... because that is the most fucked-up character on the most fucked-up kids' show ever. I've been obsessed with how messed up that show was since middle-school French class (where we were forced to watch it) and a less-awful cuter version of him has always been in my notebooks and he sorta evolved into an innocent counterpoint to my more cynical characters. I have a whole backstory about the little dude, for better or for worse.

As to wombles' questions:

Yeah, the hippie twins are vapid college girls who hang out there and rarely buy anything. Because the genie's stoned, he overheard their wish and just went with it. The song was just what I imagined Axl Rose would write, living in his weird rich people bubble, just about how rich he is and how he's basically the Howard Hughes of his generation and... would serve a Mr. Burns like role in the universe of Johnny Tripod if I basically ever make enough stories.

Chris Sabo is just a baseball player who had the quirk of always wearing goggles. I'll cop to that just being a very specific cultural reference that... I always found really funny and liked to pretend he wore them to conceal  X-Men-type superpowers.

I have taken your criticism to heart, though, and I am going to be a lot more deliberate in my word bubble placement on the next one I do. You have a good point there, I'm not sure if there's like an art theory book on how to make that sort of thing clearer in a comic book but... I'm going to focus on that. At least run the layout of word bubbles by more people as I work.

I thought that playing fast and loose with it would create a frenetic style that matched at least Johnny's character but clearly I gotta work on that.

Like I say, it is not excusing anything but this is the second time I've ever tried to draw a full story and I am learning as I go.

[theinevitable]

Scott McCloud has a book that is basically the Theory of How to Tell Stories with Drawings. I think the one I read was Understanding Comics?

I remember someone telling me that one of them is really good, and the other one goes way off into horrible pretentious territory. Forget which one is which.

I just got my copy of LFM comic because my roommate had all the mail in a pile under a coat (??). Will read today.