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[pmcd9]

I am doing this with my physical stuff. It is mentally exhausting.

Me too. Ain't it the truth. It's draining. Just a thought, I wonder if this might be connected to your dream life.

[doomglobe]

I did a thing on 1/1/2012 in which I turned all the hangers in my closet backwards. Then, when I wore something, when I hung it back up I put back in the right way. Fast forward to 1/1/2013: Anything still backwards, I haven't worn in a year, and I have to ask myself if I really need it. (I haven't done the actual purging part yet though. Maybe this weekend.)

This tactic would work for me if I did laundry any earlier than I absolutely had to. NEW YEARS RESOLUTION: START DOING LAUNDRY ON REGULAR BASIS.

[jay-ell]

I am still setting goals and stuff (I figure I have until my birthday to plan and institute Project JL-2013) but this is sort of what I have so far:

_____________

Mental - work through this book I have that helps you organize your house and life, one room at a time, in 12 months. (I did part of it last year, but Pedro read it over the holidays and has agreed to work through it with me.)

Physical - Run a 5K. (I have an training-program app; the hardest part about this is going to be scheduling time to run every week.)

Social - ? ? ?

Spiritual - I'm keeping a "Thankfulness journal." It's neat. This is the only one I've already started. I'm trying not to punish myself if I miss a day, but I'm also trying to write in it every day (or at least think of what I *would* write if I had time to sit down and do it).

Career - I think I have decided not to "buy in" to the game store (the reasons for which I'll have to go into Elsewhere) but I do want to ask the owner to give me a new title. I'm going to ask him to pay me as a 1099 employee (which spares him the expense of paying into workman's comp and payroll taxes etc.) and "promote" me to "Director of Marketing & Research." Partly because I find it hilarious, partly because it better describes what I do, and partly because it will look good on a resume. I also want him to give me a small budget of $100 or so a month to put towards advertising the store. That last part is going to be the tough sell.

Creative - ? ? ?

Financial - Pay off $x in debt (have to run the numbers, but it's possible I will be able to eliminate the small balance of credit card debt this year with my earnings alone. If so, I can start saving up for something specific, like a family vacation to Disney World or remodeling the kitchen or a new used car when my van inevitably bites it.)

Romantic - continue last year's goal of setting aside a few nights each month to spend with Pedro and no kids. We have agreed to schedule time to go over scheduling for the spring quarter, that will happen sometime in the next couple of weeks.
_____________

Any suggestions for social or creative goals? As an introverted, practically-minded person, I'm at a loss. Though I guess, given the circumstance, my "creative" goal could be simply to read more fiction. I haven't had nearly as much time for that as I'd like over the last...twenty years...

[wombat]

My suggestion is that that already seems like a shitload of goals?

[jay-ell]

My suggestion is that that already seems like a shitload of goals?

Seems like? But two of them are things I'm already doing, one is basically having a conversation with my boss, one involves spending less money on stupid crap and another is a joint venture between myself and my spouse. So they are not, like, major life changes -- they are all incremental steps towards having a better & more balanced life.

How late do the kids sleep and how late is Pedro around in the morning? I solved the time dilemma by changing my schedule slightly to take advantage of a morning slot.

Nope. The kids are usually up before I am, and Pedro is the one who gets up super early to work out anyway.

I could go after I drop Chaos Girl off at school, but that's only four days a week and I have other responsibilities during that time. Plus, it doesn't fly when Danger Boy is tracked out (three out of every twelve weeks). When Chaos Girl starts kindergarten it will be super easy to get into a routine of running in the morning as soon as they're at school, but I don't want to wait 'til July to get started.

The theory is that if I get started now, by the time Danger is tracked out again I'll be able to do activities with him that will keep me in condition (temporarily) without having to go the the gym. Running alongside him on his bike, or taking him down to the cul-de-sac to play street hockey. But Chaos is still the limiting factor.

It's only a few more months, honestly; I should just decree that Mondays and Wednesdays are my Gym days in the afternoon and say "screw it" to everything else. Then I can get up early on Saturdays and run before work, or send Chaos to her grandma's on Friday afternoons. Heck, I could have Pedro pick her up at the gym on Fridays and he could take her to lunch at his office cafeteria while I run on the treadmill. But I need to commit to it, and I need to keep reminding myself that if I can survive another five and a half months, both the kids will be in school full-time and I'll finally be able to do all that shit I keep saying I'm going to do around the house.

Social - Toastmasters. At lunch with a local group. Once a week. Learn to speak in front of a group of strangers comfortably and persuasively. It will serve you the rest of your life.

I conquered my fear of public speaking a coupleafew years ago when I did stand-up at the local club. Not that it was very bad to begin with -- my mom put me on stage for the first time when I was two years old and I did theater through all of middle & high school.

I feel like I should probably say "meet new people," but I meet a lot of people at work. I am doing a good job of learning names, that's a neat thing. I've surprised a few people who come in after talking to me once and I greet them by their names, and they're like, woah. I always thought I was bad with names; turns out it's an acquired skill that literally anybody (who doesn't suffer from short-term memory loss) can pick up in a matter of months, with practice. Gotta love the plasticity of the human brain.

Maybe what I need to do is spend more time with the people I already know, in contexts outside of being at work.

[wombat]

So they are not, like, major life changes -- they are all incremental steps towards having a better & more balanced life.

And the problem with that is?

I always thought I was bad with names; turns out it's an acquired skill that literally anybody (who doesn't suffer from short-term memory loss) can pick up in a matter of months, with practice.

It is? Could you tell me how?

[jay-ell]

And the problem with that is?

It's not a problem, just explaining why there are so many.

It is? Could you tell me how?

Here's a good article that summarizes the methods I use:

http://www.psychologytoday.com/blog/mental-mishaps/201003/remembering-names-secrets-memory-experts

And a clip:

Pay attention when you meet someone. Use that person's name immediately and frequently during that first conversation. Associate the name with important personal attributes of the individual - particularly those attributes that will lead to future encounters. Keep written records and use those records prior to times when you know you may encounter individuals again.

There's a certain amount of finesse involved in using someone's name repeatedly without coming off as a creeper or a salesman. But it's been said that the most beautiful word in any language is the listener's own name, so you can usually go farther with it than you might think.

At my store, an encounter might go like this:

Me: Welcome to [Store], can I help you find something?

Joe Customer: Well, I'm looking for a new game.

Me: You've come to the right place. Anything in particular?

Joe: Well, I really like Settlers of Catan but I want similar that can be played with only two people.

Me: Sure thing, I think we've got something like that. Right over here -- hey, by the way, I'm JL, what's your name?

Joe: It's Joe.

Me: Hi, Joe. [Shakes hands.] We've got the Catan card game for two, but personally I'm a fan of Carcassonne, because it's great with two but can play up to five if you have a larger crowd. [Blah blah blah about the game, invite him to Thursday board game night, etc.]

Joe: Okay, I think I'll take this then.

Me: Awesome! I think you're really going to like this, Joe. If you have any trouble at all, don't forget you can come in next Thursday and I'll answer any questions you may have about it.

Joe: Yeah, and I'll try to bring my wife for game night next week.

Me: Great! [Ring up item] OK, Joe, that's $42.38, on your card? OK. [Make note of last name on card, swipe it.] What's your wife's name?

Joe: It's Helen.

Me: Joe and Helen, lovely. Here's your card, Joe, I look forward to seeing you and meeting Helen next week!

[Joe leaves. Ideally, I jot his name & his wife's name down on a notepad along with what game he bought & look at it periodically throughout the night. But more likely I move on to the next customer and forget about Joe until the next time I see him; at that point I will probably remember his name but not his wife's, and I won't remember what game he bought unless he mentions it. Not perfect, but Joe will be impressed and Helen won't mind giving me her name since I've not met her in person before.]

Another trick I use is to encourage people to follow us on Facebook. Since I manage the store's facebook page, I get notifications of new Followers, which puts their names in my path again and gives me a way to look them up surreptitiously if I encounter them again -- even if the name isn't in my active memory, I'll usually be able to connect it with the right person if I can pick it from a list.

[wombat]

I think that it always strikes me as creepy when people use my name like that. I will have to pay attention to whether anyone ever does it with enough finesse that it isn't.

[jay-ell]

When I took the morning slot I committed to giving Spouse an evening slot so she could Zumba and ride her hoss. Last night I, for example, I ran the household.

It scans like it is on you to make the fit, but I bet that's just short information.

Yeah, our time is tight and Pedro is by far the morning person, so he gets that slot by default. We both use the gym at his office complex (it's free) but it's across town, so there's also the realism in the fact that I am not going to give up spending time with my family in the evening so that I can drive thirty minutes round trip to sweat my butt off on a treadmill for an hour. Or get up at 4:30 AM to do the same, especially after working 'til 11 PM the night before. But the gym isn't far from Chaos Girl's school so it's easy to swing by after I drop her off.

Like I said, this will be much easier when I have 30 hours a week of JL Time instead of 12, but I'm going through a period now where every minute is spoken for (including the 30 minutes I've been fuck*ng around on this board, whoops I guess I'm not going to get the kitchen cleaned today, sorry Pedro) and that three hours a week working out (plus drive time to & from the gym) comes at the expense of other things. I need to sit down and take a hard look at what I can cut -- not because Pedro isn't willing to pick up the household slack but because there just aren't enough hours in the day as it is.

As for the other thing, you just recently mentioned having a tussle with making a business contact and conversation. What I suggested was meant to address that kind of interpersonal communication skill, rather than making jokes for drunks.

What? I'm blanking on the tussle to which you refer. I'm still afraid of the telephone but I do pretty well in person these days. Unless I'm misreading you.

[jay-ell]

I think that it always strikes me as creepy when people use my name like that. I will have to pay attention to whether anyone ever does it with enough finesse that it isn't.

Yeah, that's a bit exaggerated. But you can sort of tell if people are feeling sales-pressured and back off. If someone says "just browsing" or whatever I leave them the fuck alone, but if it's someone I've seen come in a lot, if he's there for an event or if he asks for a recommendation I work on learning his name.

If I did this to everybody who came in the store it would turn a lot of people off, for sure.

[wombat]

What? I'm blanking on the tussle to which you refer. I'm still afraid of the telephone but I do pretty well in person these days. Unless I'm misreading you.

I think he means how you wanted to talk to the owner of the competing game store.

[jay-ell]

Yes! Ok, yes. But that's less about interpersonal relations and more about how I'm not sure how badly the owner of my store has pissed her off in the past.

[jay-ell]

I think resolutions would be more fun if we were allowed to make them for other people.

[wombat]

That is a great idea for a thread.

[wombat]

Even if you replace "fun" with "satisfying" or "rewarding" I think my remark still stands.