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[pmcd9]

punch them in the cock.

Use their testicles like a heavy bag.  fappa fappa fappa...

[littlefallsmets]

Punch 'em in the taint til it becomes an ain't.

[jaydub]

Use their testicles like a heavy bag.  fappa fappa fappa...

Nah, its more like fappita fappita fappita.  I should know.  I nailed myself in the nuts practicing thowing a lacrosse ball this morning.  Although it was more of a "thud....groan" in that case.

[dejavroom]

Realize that I shouldn't have handed out that sonnet to that girl because the last line asked her to once in a while "send a ray of light" in my direction, so now she actually warmed to me and talks to me every now and then, which is actually pretty bad because there's no hope for me to be with her (she has a boyfriend and), which is like having a gaping wound which won't heal because someone is always shoving the finger and wiggling it inside. Shit. That plan worked beautifully.

[greenkoolayd]

Realize that I shouldn't have handed out that sonnet to that girl because the last line asked her to once in a while "send a ray of light" in my direction, so now she actually warmed to me and talks to me every now and then, which is actually pretty bad because there's no hope for me to be with her (she has a boyfriend and), which is like having a gaping wound which won't heal because someone is always shoving the finger and wiggling it inside. Shit. That plan worked beautifully.

you should obviously have him killed.

[pmcd9]

I like this Green Kool Aid kid.

[Toaster]

I can be convinced to come out of retirement for the right price, as you are a friend. I swore I wouldn't go back to that job, but it sounds like you need this. How do you want him done?

[jay-ell]

Realize that I shouldn't have handed out that sonnet to that girl because the last line asked her to once in a while "send a ray of light" in my direction, so now she actually warmed to me and talks to me every now and then, which is actually pretty bad because there's no hope for me to be with her (she has a boyfriend and), which is like having a gaping wound which won't heal because someone is always shoving the finger and wiggling it inside. Shit. That plan worked beautifully.

It's only a matter of time before she dumps his pansy ass and falls madly in love with you. She's probably just checking to make sure that you're really that wonderful all the time.

[theinevitable]

my great-great-uncle was on the scottish national soccer team and i was looking him up. apparently he has the same name as a famous irish serial child rapist. goddamn.
I don't want to be named after a guy who has the same name as a prevert.

[Doc]

my great-great-uncle was on the scottish national soccer team and i was looking him up. apparently he has the same name as a famous irish serial child rapist. goddamn.
I don't want to be named after a guy who has the same name as a prevert.

Have you considered that you might simply be named after a pervert who happens to have the same name as your great-great-uncle?

[Thomas Pain]

I posted a thing on my radio station's blog about my favorite album of the year, and for some reason my friends are posting weird, aggressive things on my facebook about how they don't care what my favorite album is. Don't fuck*ng read it then? Why do they feel the need to be all, "I DON'T GIVE A SHIT WHAT YOUR FAVORITE ALBUM IS." Is it somehow offensive to talk about what I like and why?

Well some possibilities.  maybe your friends are playing prank on you.  they get together behind your back and they decide to project a weird reality to you.

Or maybe instead your friends is stupid.  They see your "favorite album" statements as taking up space on their wall.  it is SPAM to them.  They don't want to see it.  They not happy with how facebook works.  obviously, facebook is your fault.

oh wait, is not your friends, is radio station friends, yes?  You are radio station personification?  Maybe you are perceived as evil corporate commercial ethereal corporeal entity?  OR maybe you are precevied as human, and your friends, they don't want radio with opinions, they want elevatormusactop40DJ?  More likely than your think.  Fer instance, this one time, I is on road trip with some friends.  The radio is on.  I start to push this book of Levi Strauss into face of driver.  Could tell he didn't like so I keep doing it.  Suddenly no warning, his head explodes.  We almost crash.  Liquidity styrofoam all over immediately starts to harden.  in my hair, even in my eyelashes.  fortoutiously I blinked or else it got in my eyes.  We didn't know what to do we thought maybe he is alien, maybe he is secret government experiment, either way you don't want to call the p0lice in such situation, so we leave his body by side of the road.  All cows in field go other side.

[theinevitable]

now they are overcompensating in a weird "daniel is insane, so we will humor him way", and still do not understand that what I take issue with is that... they went out of their way to say "I don't give a shit about what you think, I am not going to read it."
I don't need them to say "fine, it was great, I loved it."
But like, when they tell me they are excited about whatever and I'm not interested, I listen, or ignore it. I don't tell them "I don't care about what you are saying to me." That is aggressive.

[Thomas Pain]

...and still do not understand that what I take issue with is that...

...That is aggressive.

ignorance is inherently aggressive, even if it's not intended as such.  Sounds like your friends might just be ignorant.

Or maybe they are on a different wavelength than you read them to be on.

Like when ICP says to their fans Don't buy our fu(king action figures, bitch I don't give a fuck! it's not meant in an aggressive way, that's just the lingo, the dialect, and it is assumed that the audience understands this.  Kinda like nigger... in one context the word is insulting, in another it's just mundane and normal.

I will say that if "I don't give a fuck about your music" is intended as ironic or is just a normal sort of expression that your friends exchange with each other, it's pretty damn pedantic, which brings us back to the question of ignorance.  Sure, you can be on the same wavelength with someone where you can tell that person "bitch I don't give a fuck" and they understand that you are just joking - it's an inside joke sort of thing... but I think for a relationship to be meaningful, there needs to be more than just ironic and inside jokes.  There needs to be some substance.  The majority of a relationship needs to be constituted of substance.  Maybe you are looking to find more substance in your friendships than your friends can deliver.  Maybe you have more substance in your navel than your friends have between their ears.  es possible.  I don't know you or your friends so I can't say. 

[AugustWest]

Maybe they're fuck*ng with you because they think it's funny.

Some people have really odd ideas about what's funny and are oblivious to the effect their "humor" has on their "friends".

[Toaster]

I just got it into my head: Does anybody ever talk to you, and then finish by saying "Daniel." in the way that Rorschach says it to Nite-Owl in Watchmen? Y'know, like,

"No, I did not eat the last of the chocolate chunk granola bars in the cupboard. Daniel."

Because if I knew somebody IRL with that name, I would say it that way all the time.