Today I'm gonna tell you guys that yesterday I scheduled a labor induction for Tuesday, Jan 22. As in, eleven days from now.
I also had a "Oh heavens what have we done" moment yesterday in the OB's office. Especially when he told me that she's about 8 lbs. right now.
I'm getting those baby jitters, if you have kids you know what I mean. "What if she has webbed toes?" "I can't stand waiting another day" "I'm totally not ready for this" "How am I going to survive those horrible, terrible first weeks of sleep deprivation?" "Will she look like me?" "What if she's ten pounds and I need an emergency c-section?" "Maybe she'll turn out to be a boy after all, and then what will I do with all this pink stuff?" etc etc etc. Completely panicked, illogical, and contradictory fears about labor, birth, and parenting that result in absolute emotional exhaustion by the time of the actual birth.
When I had Little P, we had his induction scheduled three weeks in advance instead of just a week and a half, so we had longer to obsess about these things and longer to get over them. I remember this feeling of incredible calm coming over me as we went to the hospital, especially once I started actual labor. It was like, "this is where you have to focus now, finally there is something you can do, and now is the time to do it."
But until then, I'm liable to be an absolute mess.