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[CortJstr]

Back in Hampton Roads, there was literally one person who drove a Bentley around town - Allen Iverson. He would park it wherever he felt like, and when he got a parking ticket, he would take it off the windshield, drop it on the ground without looking at it, and drive off. My ex worked for the police force, and said they had a bulletin board full of his outstanding tickets. But they couldn't go after him, because he was the Pride of Hampton or some shit, and more importantly, if they did, there would have been race riots in the streets.

Who? Fuck that nobody. If he has that many back tickets he probably owes Hampton Roads a new goddamn high school and a cost-of-living raise for the teachers by now.

Growing up in Ashburn I can say the worst people were Redskins player's mothers. When arguing they would say who their son was several times, point out what city he was in and what team they were playing at least twice, and always position their luxury car keys so that the logo was right-side-up from your perspective.

The actually football players were generally very apologetic for their bitch mothers and would pay whatever fees were owed.


edit: corrected a crime against apostrophes

[Golfhaus]

Growing up in Ashburn I can say the worst people were Redskin's players mothers.

When AI played for Philadelphia, his mom would fly my airline up for the games. She'd show up five minutes before departure and demand we hold the plane. We left her a couple of times, and that behavior was corrected.

My sister had the story to beat all stories about her though, from her friends that worked a local franchise of a chain restaurant named after a day of the week.

Apparently, AI's mom went to this restaurant, with twenty people in tow, sat in the non-smoking section, and then demanded that the big-screen TV be adjusted so she could see her "baby" playing. This, despite the fact that the TVs are practically bolted into place so that the smoking section/bar can see the screen. They did finally acquiesce to her demands and moved the screen. She ordered a glass of some expensive wine, everyone else ordered liquor, and they settled down for the game.

Then a few minutes later, she called the server over and asked, "I have a question - is the manager black?" The server stumbled for a bit but said that yes, the manager was African-American. "Good, bring him over here."

The manager approached and asked what he could do for her. "Well, I'm looking around, and I see all these white people that got straws, and my waiter didn't give ME no straw."

"Well, ma'am, you ordered a glass of wine. Wine isn't typically served with a straw."

She started carrying on, and the server just went ahead and handed her one before she could reach takeoff speed. She thanked the manager for the straw (not the server that gave her one), and sipped along her merry way.

[littlefallsmets]

I drink hot coffee with a straw.

I drink the HELL out of hot coffee with a straw.

[Arachno-capitalist]

I, too, want to live the dream of drinking wine with a straw at a chain restaurant. But which wine best complements the Awesome Blossom?

Today I will meet a woman who has a pet squirrel. She found it when it was a pup and now it lives in her home, free range. She carries pictures of it in her wallet. Pictures of her pet squirrel in elaborate costumes. My fave was the one where she dressed her pet squirrel as the pope. Complete with hat.

[jay-ell]

I don't know why you're meeting this woman, ACap, but from the information you gave, I'm really hoping Personals Ad. 

[Doc]

The manager approached and asked what he could do for her. "Well, I'm looking around, and I see all these white people that got straws, and my waiter didn't give ME no straw."

Damnit, our plot to keep the black people down is thwarted again.

[Doc]

Today I finally succumbed to the cold that's going around, slept till 3, got up and tried to clear my head with grapefruit juice and tv tropes for a couple of hours, went back to sleep to have a fever dream about having to come up with a play on the fly for some sort of festival then woke up and made myself a tasty omelette. So overall I'm doing good.

[CortJstr]

Last night we found a giant bug in our apartment. It looked like a really big cockroach but it could fuck*ng fly. What. The. Hell.

I am terrified of bugs. I have run away from butterflies. So I just kind of stood back and handed implements to the SO while she tried to catch it. Finally she got it in the toilet and I flushed.

This is the first bug we've seen in this apartment building. It's only a few years old and seems really clean. And we have been really good about picking up crumbs and vacuuming and stuff so we're hoping it was just one random bug. But it freaked me the hell out and I could barely sleep last night.

[wombat]

I was going to post a picture and ask if it was the same as what you saw but then I thought, you know, no one needs to see that.

At the zoo we've always had these huge American cockroaches that are called palmetto bugs down south. They live in the keeper areas, sometimes you open a big bin of food and one comes running out at you - horrible.  But I never saw one outside the zoo. I figured they came in with the supplies from somewhere and the zoo buildings were uniquely suitable to support a population outside their normal range - warm all year, full of hiding places, and with food and poop to eat all over the place.

That is, I'd never seen one outside the zoo until last week when there was one in my bathroom. If you have seen one too, that is unnerving. I am afraid it is one of those global warming things and they are extending their range or something.

[CortJstr]

At the zoo we've always had these huge American cockroaches that are called palmetto bugs down south.

OK, I looked this up on Wikipedia and it looks right. It says they like basements and we live on the 6th floor. It also sounds like they generally don't infest like regular roaches, so this is looking good for the "one random bug" hope.

[Arachno-capitalist]

[theinevitable]

my throat has been hurting for a while, but only in the morning. The last few days it's been an all-day thing.
Yesterday I had my brother look at my tonsils, and he said something like "OH JESUS! daniel, go to the doctor. oh my god."

i am having mental events where the doctor says such as "let me guess... you drank a lot of beers and smoked a dozen cigarettes this summer. YOU HAVE THROAT CANCER. YOUR MOTHER NEVER THOUGHT SHE WOULD SEE THE DAY."

[wombat]

[regarding the LOL Roach]

Using a shot of the hideous underparts was a particularly nice touch.

[Arachno-capitalist]

Using a shot of the hideous underparts was a particularly nice touch.

In my mind, the roach is standing on its legs, 6 feet tall, with its arms in open embrace.

[theinevitable]

goddamnit, it would cost over a hundo to ship my amplifier to St Louis. I guess this is not happening, then.
This kind of messes up all of my fantasies and dreams for my life. IT IS ALL OVER, DON'T TRY TO CONSOLE ME.

Anyway, I am packing stuff for school. Fun fun. The rest of the week, when I am not packing, is consumed by every kind of health appointment possible.