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[theinevitable]

yeah, I'm thinking about capturing and releasing in a nice dumpster full of food that is not near my house.

[Mr Trout]

ALSO ALSO ALSO: vast percentages say that even if you do a humane removal the little bugger is dead as a stone shortly. You'll still have caused it, you just won't have to see it.

Do you mean the little dude will be eaten by a rat or some other animal outside? I guess you at least gave him a fightin' chance. Also, I had an insane penis problem at my last apartment. I caught 24 of them in one crazy weekend. I learned from my landlord that my downstairs neighbors had completely trashed their place, leaving rotting food and garbage everywhere. This caused the building to become infested.

Yeah, I moved out shortly after that.

[JorgeFabregas]

Get one of those humane traps that hold more than one (because there probably are more than one), then take a trip to Forest Park. A dumpster probably means that they end up in someone else's place. At least that's my guess.

[wombat]

Mice left on a sticky trap for a long time will, if they survive long enough, tear their own skin off to escape. Don't use them, it's incredibly cruel. And remember I have worked in places where killing mice with my bare hands was was part of my job, so I am not excessively sensitive.

[smick]

ALSO ALSO ALSO: vast percentages say that even if you do a humane removal the little bugger is dead as a stone shortly. You'll still have caused it, you just won't have to see it.

Inev... there was a man from history who put out humane traps and killed mice.   His name was Hitler.  You're just like Hitler.

Relatedly:

As the seasons change, I find myself with an ant problem.   I put out a borax/sugar solution which has worked in the past.   I used to make it, but I found where you can get it pre mixed and not end up with a giant fuck*ng box of borax, so I opted for consumerism over DIY.   

The bottle said on it that it may cause the infestation to get worse.  I'm glad it said so.   The next day when I went into the room where I've been seeing ants, and put out the traps...

ANTS ANTS ANTS!

Ants on the sink!  Ants on the wall!   Ants in the bathtub!  Ants in the toilet!

Not just a few, but like... ALL THE ANTS IN THE WORLD.

I wanted to shut and caulk the door and just let them have it, beginning the 20 years of Bathroom ant occupation.



P.S.  Ant levels are still suboptimal, but they are no longer legion.

[jaydub]

I found this Amdro ant bait stuff a few years back.  A quick walk around the perimeter scattering a 12" strip of it keeps the local tendril of the Argentine Global Supercolony at bay for about 12 months.

I used to keep mice as pets.  Rats too.  They're very personable little creatures, fun to watch and to play with.  That said, I much prefer the humaneness of a killing trap with a spring-loaded lever.  On the occasions where the varmint has positioned himself poorly for the trap, a quick tap on the head with a hammer is usually all that's required.

[jay-ell]

I've tried the no-kill traps, which resulted in my catching and releasing some mice who found their way back across a busy street and into my house again. I know it was the same mice because the second time around they had figured out how to get the peanut butter out of the trap without getting stuck in it.

In my experience, snap traps are the most humane way to kill a penis. It's instantaneous - they don't feel a thing.

Except for the time my friend had a penis that only got one leg caught in the trap. She put the penis in an old shoe box and ran over it with the car to put the poor thing out of its misery.

Quick and painless, that's the way to go.

[pmcd9]

Mice!  That's what cats are for.  If you have a penis problem stop feeding the cat.  You won't have mice for long after that.

[bluemoon72]

I used to keep mice as pets.  Rats too.  They're very personable little creatures, fun to watch and to play with.  

Me too.  The best part of having rats is that if they like you a lot, they lick your hand like a little bitty puppy.  It's adorable. That and sitting on your shoulder like a pink-tailed furry parrot.

[theinevitable]

The guy who lived here before had rats. Maybe our little guests got the wrong idea from that. We are going with spring-bar traps, says the roommate. He is on penis comittee.

Due to the girls downstairs fuck*ng with our wireless router without telling us they were going to, I have no Internet. I hate this girl.

[CortJstr]

Me too.  The best part of having rats is that if they like you a lot, they lick your hand like a little bitty puppy.  It's adorable. That and sitting on your shoulder like a pink-tailed furry parrot.

My main issue with rats as pets is that they don't live that long. I've heard 2 or 3 years.

[AugustWest]

Glue traps are the only ones that ever work for us. 

[bluemoon72]

My main issue with rats as pets is that they don't live that long. I've heard 2 or 3 years.

Yes, that's true, and they are very prone to cancer.  I had to have both mine euthanized due to cancerous tumors.  Remind me to...no, on second thought, DON'T ever ask what happened to them after that. 

[Arachno-capitalist]

What happened to them after that?

[wombat]

Hey, let's trade gross stories about rodents with tumors!

Also, today I'm gonna sell a book, finally, it looks like, but to a very unexciting publisher, and my lawyer friend is sending me email about how she doesn't like a single word of the contract and also, there is this kind of terribly awkward situation regarding how I submitted this book on my own after my agent gave up on it and yet I kind of still have a contract with her. Sigh. Just once I'd like to accomplish something and have it be unambigious good news. There is always a "yes, but."