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[pmcd9]

Oh my God, it's as if Rome were an exact mirror image of someone's perception of today's America.

[AugustWest]

Oh my God, it's as if Rome were an exact mirror image of someone's perception of today's America.

ROME FELL!

Yeah, Rome Fell.  500 years after Cicero made this speech.  And the eastern half of the empire lasted another thousand years.  And the cultural paradigm created by the Roman Empire persists, to a remarkable degree, to this day.  What's your point?

[miles]

Oh my God, it's as if Rome were an exact mirror image of someone's perception of today's America.

I thought it was the gays that did Rome in.

[jay-ell]

Posted along with a picture of a US$2 bill...

THE $2.00 BILL I TRIED TO SPEND:

IF YOU'RE AS OLD AS I AM, THIS IS A RIOT!

Everyone should start carrying $2 bills! I'm STILL laughing!!

I think we need to quit saving our $2 bills and bring them out in public. The younger generation doesn't even know they exist!

STORY: On my way home from work, I stopped at Taco Bell for a quick bite to eat. I have a $50 bill and a $2 bill. I figure with the $2 bill, I can get something to eat and not have to worry about irritating anyone for trying to break a $50 bill.

Me: 'Hi, I'd like one seven-layer burrito please, to go.'


Server: 'That'll be $1.04. Eat in?'

Me: 'No, it's to go.' At this point, I open my billfold and hand him the $2 bill. He looks at it kind of funny.

Server: 'Uh, hang on a sec, I'll be right back.'


He goes to talk to his manager, who is still within my earshot. The following conversation occurs between the two of them:

Server: 'Hey, you ever see a $2 bill?'
Manager: 'No. A what?'
Server: 'A $2 bill. This guy just gave it to me...'
Manager: 'Ask for something else. There's no such thing as a $2 bill.'
Server: 'Yeah, thought so.'

He comes back to me and says, 'We don't take these. Do you have anything else?'

Me: 'Just this fifty. You don't take $2 bills? Why?
Server: 'I don't know.'
Me: 'See here where it says legal tender?'
Server: 'Yeah.'
Me: 'So, why won't you take it?'
Server: 'Well, hang on a sec.'

He goes back to his manager, who has been watching me like I'm a shoplifter, and says to him, 'He says I have to take it.'

Manager: 'Doesn't he have anything else?'
Server: 'Yeah, a fifty. I'll get it and you can open the safe and get change.
Manager: 'I'm not opening the safe with him in here.'
Server: 'What should I do?'
Manager: 'Tell him to come back later when he has real money.'
Server: 'I can't tell him that! You tell him.'
Manager: 'Just tell him.'
Server: 'No way! This is weird. I'm going in back.

The manager approaches me and says,
'I'm sorry, but we don't take big bills this time of night.'

Me: 'It's only seven o'clock! Well then, here's a two dollar bill.'
Manager: 'We don't take those, either.'
Me: 'Why not?'
Manager: 'I think you know why.'
Me: 'No really, tell me why.'

Manager: 'Please leave before I call mall security.'
Me: 'Excuse me?'
Manager: 'Please leave before I call mall security.'
Me: 'What on earth for?'
Manager: 'Please, sir..'

Me: 'Uh, go ahead, call them.'
Manager: 'Would you please just leave?'
Me: 'No.'
Manager: 'Fine -- have it your way then.'
Me: 'Hey, that's Burger King, isn't it?'

At this point, he backs away from me and calls mall security on the phone around the corner. I have two people staring at me from the dining area and I begin laughing out loud, just for effect.

A few minutes later this 45-year-oldish guy comes in.

Guard: 'Yeah, Mike, what's up?'
Manager (whispering): 'This guy is trying to give me some (pause) funny money.'
Guard: 'No kidding! What?'
Manager: 'Get this. A two dollar bill.'
Guard (incredulous): 'Why would a guy fake a two dollar bill?'
Manager: 'I don't know. He's kinda weird. He says the only other thing he has is a fifty.'
Guard: 'Oh, so the fifty's fake!'
Manager: 'No, the two dollar bill is.'
Guard: 'Why would he fake a two dollar bill?'
Manager : 'I don't know! Can you talk to him, and get him out of here?'
Guard: 'Yeah.'

Security Guard walks over to me and......
Guard: 'Mike here tells me you have some fake bills you're trying to use.'
Me: 'Uh, no.'
Guard: 'Lemme see 'em.'
Me: 'Why?'
Guard: 'Do you want me to get the cops in here?'

At this point I'm ready to say, 'Sure, please!' but I want to eat, so I say, 'I'm just trying to buy a burrito and pay for it with this two dollar bill.

I put the bill up near his face, and he flinches like I'm taking a swing at him. He takes the bill, turns it over a few times in his hands, and he says, 'Hey, Mike, what's wrong with this bill?'
Manager: 'It's fake.'
Guard: 'It doesn't look fake to me.'
Manager: 'But it's a two dollar bill.'
Guard: 'Yeah? '
Manager: 'Well, there's no such thing, is there?'

The security guard and I both look at him like he's an idiot and it dawns on the guy that he has no clue and is an idiot.

So, it turns out that my burrito was free, and he threw in a small drink and some of those cinnamon thingies, too.

Made me want to get a whole stack of two dollar bills just to see what happens when I try to buy stuff.

Just think... those two are of the age to be voting!!!

NOW do you understand why and how Obama got a 2nd term?

It's a reasonably funny story, I guess, but can somebody tell me what a couple of young kids not recognizing a bill that comprises less than 1% of the bills in circulation has to do with the recent election?

Side note: the artwork on the back side of the Deuce is a reproduction of a painting by a direct ancestor of mine. The original is in the rotunda of the national archives, I go see it whenever I'm in D.C.

[KeithHernandez]

Also $2 bills are dope and everyone knows what they are.

[pmcd9]

It's a reasonably funny story, I guess, but can somebody tell me what a couple of young kids not recognizing a bill that comprises less than 1% of the bills in circulation has to do with the recent election?

Well obviously Obama got elected because the kids of today are skeptical of anything they are unfamiliar with. That's why the don't trust that Obama is actually an American or a Christian. No wait, that's old guy's with the $2 bills and a "these kids these days" attitude that are like that.

Uh... I don't know.

[AugustWest]

Also, I think that story was about the 4th thing to get posted to the internet in 1992, so...

[pmcd9]

Oh my God, it's as if someone's false perception of Roman history were an exact mirror image of someone's false perception of today's America.

Fixed that for myself.

[side_show]

Also, since when is a breaking a fifty ever an issue?  What register of a major franchise doesn't have two 20's and a handful of smaller bills on hand?

Fun side note, as a teen a friend of mine had an uncle give her a $100 and tell her:  If you go get me milk at the corner store and they take this $100, the change is yours.  She did and he was shocked.  He'd been trying to spend that counterfeit $100 for weeks and no one would take it!

[pmcd9]

Also, since when is a breaking a fifty ever an issue?

You don't see it as much anymore, but it used to be a thing, especially in high crime areas, that stores would not take a bill larger than a $20.

[CortJstr]

Most fast-food places have signs posted that they won't take anything higher than a $20

[miles]

That story reminds me of this: http://www.theonion.com/articles/william-safire-orders-two-whoppers-junior,3351/

[Carlos del Vaca]

Two of my friends posted the bell pepper thing.

I know for reals that zucchini flowers are either male or female. The female ones are the ones that actually grow the zukes. The male flowers are just for pollination. So if peppers and eggplant grow at all similarly, then the male/female vegetable thing is bullshit.

[pmcd9]

That doesn't belong in this thread Ash because it's fuck*ng brilliant.

[jay-ell]

Presented without comment.