I cannot
stand Freezepop. I had a friend of mine let me borrow one of their albums - all right, more correctly, I downloaded it. Here's what I thought of it:
It is the most soulless, inauthentic, by-the-numbers attempt at alt.culture bandwagoneering I've seen sashay down the fuck*ng runway in a long goddamn time. It may seem a bit weird to damn a band in this "genre" (i.e. electric pop by and for temporarily fickle trust fund kids) for being soulless, but my stars. If only I'd seen the pattern sooner,
I could have been Freezepop:
- Find a chick to be the "face" of your synthpop band. She will talk, sounding bored-as-you-please (but with a touch, of course, of just-beneath-the-surface grrrrrrrlish enthusiasm - OMG MAYBE SHE LURKS OUR FANSITE MESSAGE BOARD), and sing tunelessly over...
- Music that is more or less the worst of Overclocked Remix, circa 1999: carnival music for the attention deficit generation made with an unofficial plugin for fuck*ng Nesticle.
- And don't forget to tap, tap, tap that word-of-mouth market! You'll do this by dropping in a careful balance of common pop music themes and geek / alt / meta-indie references. Did that chick just say
grep?? In a LURRVE METAPHOR?

She may have, and won't you look smart for being the first one to have noticed / appreciated / shelled out for it. Can YOU think of an 80's pop culture touchpoint that hasn't been made into a meme??? HOUSTON WE ARE GO FOR OUR NEXT SINGLE -- ON VINYL!!