The OFFICIAL Unofficial Achewood Message Board
Trivial Pursuits => People & Places => Topic started by: jay-ell on August 03, 2007, 04:00:51 pm
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...and not in the fun way, either.
I pulled a muscle in my back this morning trying to pick up my kid and I'm in bed for the rest of the day while my in-laws take him to the pool. I have good drugs and a laptop...so...anybody have anything to entertain me with today? Funny stories? Links? Heartfelt professions of undying devotion?
If you guys don't come though, I might be forced to work on my master's thesis.
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How about breakfast around the world? (http://artofjpn2.blogspot.com/2007/08/theme-day-for-month-of-1-august-typical.html)
I've been more or less flat on my back with a migraine the last couple days and I got a fair amount of entertainment out of that. However, my condition, unlike yours, makes me kind of mentally deficient, so your standards may be higher.
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I don't know why, but I thought you might be interested in learning about the up-coming Golden Girls Gone Wild (http://profile.myspace.com/index.cfm?fuseaction=user.viewprofile&friendid=153780430) show. (NSW)
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Extremely painful skateboarding video. (http://brahsome.blogspot.com/2007/08/jake-brown-immortal.html)
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Stolen television (http://tv-links.co.uk/)
Acts of Gord (http://www.actsofgord.com/)
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Doo-Dah News Ticker (http://badgods.com/doodahnews.html)
Indigo Puzzles (http://www.indigopuzzles.com/)
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I love the doo-dah news ticker. Lore really does reach into twisted genius territory some days.
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Anybody who hasn't just sat down and read through The Book of Ratings (http://www.bookofratings.com/) really needs to set aside a day. A day for laughter.
This is like 4 years old but the original Dr. Tran video, which I'm sure is on YouTube somewhere, is pretty damned entertaining.
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Oh, my. You guys rock.
So far, the winner has been Acts of Gord. I used to work in a video game store, you see. It...it speaks to me.
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I love the doo-dah news ticker. Lore really does reach into twisted genius territory some days.
Oh jeez. This has permanently damaged my brain. This should be labelled Not Safe for Already Marginal Mental State.
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Whenever I am bored, I just start making up imaginary fetishes and then I search them on google to see if they actually exist.
Good news: lots of horrifying fun.
Bad news: less faith in humanity every time I do it.
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Oh jeez. This has permanently damaged my brain. This should be labelled Not Safe for Already Marginal Mental State.
I sent the dooh-dah ticker to Pedro. It's infectious. Like bird flu.
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I'd like to take this opportunity to profess my undying devotion to you, JL.
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Oh, my. You guys rock.
So far, the winner has been Acts of Gord. I used to work in a video game store, you see. It...it speaks to me.
You should like this then, too: http://badgods.com/spareaquarter.html
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Entertain you? I was going to suggest that you entertain us with pictures of your pregnant belly.
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Entertain you? I was going to suggest that you entertain us with pictures of your pregnant belly.
Creepy!
I'm doing some drafting work at my dad's house, so I can't check out any of the links, but if JL endorses them so heartily I will have to check them out at home. LFM, your boredom Google idea sounds hilarious.
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You should like this then, too: http://badgods.com/spareaquarter.html
Oh, Lore Sjoberg! Where have you been these many long years?!?! I've missed you so.
A glance at his blog indicates that he reads Achewood. Of course he reads Achewood. He's Lore fuck*ng Sjoberg. And the internet comes full circle.
I'd like to take this opportunity to profess my undying devotion to you, JL.
I knew if I threw this out there, somebody would bite. I was kinda hoping for somebody new, though.
Oh, she's an evil bitch, she is.
Entertain you? I was going to suggest that you entertain us with pictures of your pregnant belly.
www.naughtypregnantwomen.com. Knock yourself out.
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I knew if I threw this out there, somebody would bite. I was kinda hoping for somebody new, though.
Oh, she's an evil bitch, she is.
Hey! Who you callin' evil?
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JL--
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I am pretty sure that that website led to some pretty fucked up dreams last night. thanks a lot. I do not need to be having dreams where one of my friends is inexplicably pregnant, and really into the idea of getting it on with me.
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JL--
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I am pretty sure that that website led to some pretty fucked up dreams last night. thanks a lot. I do not need to be having dreams where one of my friends is inexplicably pregnant, and really into the idea of getting it on with me.
Funnily enough, the folks who patronize that website feel the same way - since they'd rather have it happen in reality.
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Your fault for looking. I mean, it's called naughtypregnantwomen, for Pete's sake. What did you expect, PLEASE, DO NOT MENTION THAT HERE?
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Im in ur uterus, pushin on ur bladder.
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Incidentally, I'm feeling much better today -- well enough to get on a plane, anyway. Although I tried to drive yesterday and it was really painful. So we'll see how that goes.
Thanks for all your links and entertainment. You, and J.K. Rowling, allowed me to completely blow almost two whole days of my life on the internet. There is no greater gift a message board can give a person.
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JL--
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I am pretty sure that that website led to some pretty fucked up dreams last night. thanks a lot. I do not need to be having dreams where one of my friends is inexplicably pregnant, and really into the idea of getting it on with me.
So... cast porn = a-okay, preggers porn /= sexy times? (I'm not criticizing, just keeping score.)
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The idea of sexy times with a pregnant lady worries me even though it is my understanding that it's ok up to a certain point. I'd just hate to prenatally concuss someone.
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The idea of sexy times with a pregnant lady worries me even though it is my understanding that it's ok up to a certain point. I'd just hate to prenatally concuss someone.
Doc wins the internet for today. Good day sir.
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smells-- basically I didn't have any dreams about a lady I knew having a cast, but I did have a horrifying dream where my friend was pregnant and coming on to me. So, yes.
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The idea of sexy times with a pregnant lady worries me even though it is my understanding that it's ok up to a certain point. I'd just hate to prenatally concuss someone.
That's what Pedro thought until he was faced with the prospect of going without for three-quarters of a year.
I'm just sayin'.
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Yeah, and really, as a lady, I ignore things like hair-sprouting moles, asymmetrical testicles, butt crack hair - you know: things that are there all year long - while having sex with a man, so if he can't work around a pregnancy, he can suck it. Not that I am, or ever plan to be, pregnant.
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asymmetrical testicles
Man! What is up with that shit?
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asymmetrical testicles
Man! What is up with that shit?
After I see a (natural) pair of perfectly symmetrical breasts and nipples then you can complain.
I'm going to assume that the general male aversion to banging pregnant chicks is yet another hold-over from the knock-up-as-many-women-as-possible gene that we blame so much male behavior on. That or we're afraid that the baby will grab our wang.
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That or we're afraid that the baby will grab our wang.
What's wrong with a free handjob?
(Oh! That is foul. I'm sorry.)
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ok, so, asymmetrical testes? I am trying to envision how they could be asymmetrical. In size, or in position? Because the position thing is so that they won't get crushed between your legs when you walk.
also: no symmetrical breasts in real life? really? I must not be looking for flaws hard enough.
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ok, so, asymmetrical testes? I am trying to envision how they could be asymmetrical. In size, or in position? Because the position thing is so that they won't get crushed between your legs when you walk.
also: no symmetrical breasts in real life? really? I must not be looking for flaws hard enough.
For anything in the human body that has a left and right version they're going to be different, breasts were just a convenient, and sexy, point of reference. But you have one foot that's at least a bit bigger than the other, and you probably know which one it is and probably consistently try on new shoes with that foot.
Also, Smells with the alley oop!
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For anything in the human body that has a left and right version they're going to be different, breasts were just a convenient, and sexy, point of reference. But you have one foot that's at least a bit bigger than the other, and you probably know which one it is and probably consistently try on new shoes with that foot.
Also, Smells with the alley oop!
Lungs, too. Your lungs don't match up exactly. Don't ask me how I know this.
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my body is pretty asymmetrical. I have always blamed this on being a preemie, but I have no reason to think this. The only place where this really bugs me is my jawline-- one side is very different from the other. So basically I am Quasimodo--unfit for human love or companionship.
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Boobs and testicles are basically right beside each other, which makes any asymmetry more noticeable I guess. I suppose as we get older and things sag more, these asymmetries pronounce themselves more also. All I'm saying is as humans, we have a pretty good capacity for ignoring the less attractive parts of our loved ones to get ourselves off. This is a good thing. Remember: even Quasimodo got some action.
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Lungs, too. Your lungs don't match up exactly. Don't ask me how I know this.
I wondered who'd be performing surgery on me while I slept. I just assumed it was like those shoe-cobbling elves but with tiny scalpels.
Oh, and I'm sure that if you Google it you can find asymmetrical-themed porn. Don't worry tI, you're somebody's fetish.
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hey! I'm not -that- asymmetrical! I would probably fit into a normal person's non-fetish.
you know, if they had a thing for skinny pale boys. Which, I mean, I know at least a few people to whom that applies... where's the porn for them?
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you know, if they had a thing for skinny pale boys. Which, I mean, I know at least a few people to whom that applies... where's the porn for them?
I'm pretty sure Dan Savage (http://www.avclub.com/content/savagelove) would be into you. He got all vapory over Ashton Kutcher (http://www.villagevoice.com/people/0206,savage,32040,24.html) once.
Links might be NSFW in an overly regimented environment, btw.
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My girlfriend is deeply enamoured of big dudes... not fat dudes, really, but like... big sturdy barrel chested kinda dudes. Old-school strongman looking dudes. Like how they drew Superman in the Thirties.
Anyway, she found a porno magazine with such dudes naked and she was all such as:
"Michael! Michael! I found a porn mag for me..."
And when I saw the cover said "Big Bear" I didn't have the heart to tell her what that meant... until she figured it out upon opening the centrefold and such fellows were getting blown by skinny little gay dudes, the people who were supposed to be into the magazine.
"Oh... oh nevermind. This magazine is not actually for me."
She sighed and set it down and looked back toward the arts and crafts section.
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I'm pretty sure Dan Savage (http://www.avclub.com/content/savagelove) would be into you. He got all vapory over Ashton Kutcher (http://www.villagevoice.com/people/0206,savage,32040,24.html) once.
Links might be NSFW in an overly regimented environment, btw.
Don't get your hopes up, though. Dan Savage is in a committed, monogamous relationship.
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asymmetrical testicles
When I tripped and fell on the urologist, that's just how they came out. I was kind of bugged by it for a while, but then I realized I can't accidentally procreate any more, and I no longer felt so bad.
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Don't get your hopes up, though. Dan Savage is in a committed, monogamous relationship.
I think he even has a kid.
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Don't get your hopes up, though. Dan Savage is in a committed, monogamous relationship.
I remember reading that Dan and his husband/boyfriend have three-ways all the time. I don't think they're monogamous, just committed. They do have a kid, as well.
When I tripped and fell on the urologist, that's just how they came out. I was kind of bugged by it for a while, but then I realized I can't accidentally procreate any more, and I no longer felt so bad.
Getting one's vas defrens snipped makes one's testicles go asymmetrical? Damn! I did not know that.
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That's what happened to me, anyway. I also ended up with a little T shaped scar. (For Teodor)
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I would totally not get it on with Dan Savage. he bothers me on a lot of levels.
(half of them dealing with him being a guy, the other half dealing with such as "if your girlfriend won't give you blowjobs, you are entitled to dump her.")
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I would totally not get it on with Dan Savage. he bothers me on a lot of levels.
(half of them dealing with him being a guy, the other half dealing with such as "if your girlfriend won't give you blowjobs, you are entitled to dump her.")
To be fair, I think his position might be more accurately summed up as "if your girlfriend won't give you blowjobs, and that's going to be a problem for you, you are entitled to dump her".
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The idea of sexy times with a pregnant lady worries me even though it is my understanding that it's ok up to a certain point. I'd just hate to prenatally concuss someone.
Don't flatter yourself doc.
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Zing!
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I was really expecting that one much sooner, I think I even had a good come back but this thread has purged it from my mind.
To clarify I wasn't saying pregnant women are inherently unattractive, I'm fairly sure I'd find my lady just as sexy even if she was sporting a parasite, just that I'd be worried about damaging something.
Ladies you might be spending too much time looking at testicles. They are not our best feature.
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Spending too much time looking at testicles? Do you realize what we're doing when we're doing the close up inspection of testicles? Because I'm pretty sure I know a guy who will want to punch you if you are telling me I'm doing those things too much.
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Close your eyes and think of england.
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Spending too much time looking at testicles? Do you realize what we're doing when we're doing the close up inspection of testicles? Because I'm pretty sure I know a guy who will want to punch you if you are telling me I'm doing those things too much.
In a perfect world, someone as talented and funny as you would never be depressed.
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In a perfect world, someone as talented and funny as you would never be depressed.
Tongue depressor?
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To be fair, I think his position might be more accurately summed up as "if your girlfriend won't give you blowjobs, and that's going to be a problem for you, you are entitled to dump her".
To be fairest (of them all), I think his position on most things might be most accurately summed up as "if your significant other won't [perform sexual act], and that's going to be a problem for you, you are entitled to dump him/her/it."
But to quote the man directly, oral sex is a standard feature, and any model that comes without it should be returned to the factory.
Also, can I tell you how thrilled I am that my thread about a lower back injury ended up with a detailed discussion of smick's vasectomy?
Oh, the places you'll go, little thread. The places you'll go.
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We could talk about mine, and what a smashing surprise it was for me when the staples worked themselves out. That's an experience you won't soon forget. You don't expect chunks of metal to just start showing up down there.
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We could talk about mine, and what a smashing surprise it was for me when the staples worked themselves out. That's an experience you won't soon forget. You don't expect chunks of metal to just start showing up down there.
Oh my GOD. Talk about a way to basically convince menfolk that vasectomies are a bad idea. Why didn't they just use regular ol' stitches? Did they staple the incision on your scrotum, and then the staples just fell out and they just landed in your under#####? I have no idea how they even do vasectomies, that's just a guess. Jesus.
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I don't remember having stitches or staples when I had mine. The incision was so tiny, I think I had a bandaid and that was it.
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I don't remember having stitches or staples when I had mine. The incision was so tiny, I think I had a bandaid and that was it.
I can only think of a few reasons why you would need only a tiny band aid. But I'll be quiet now.
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I can only think of a few reasons why you would need only a tiny band aid. But I'll be quiet now.
You know, I was glad you were back...
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They are actually clamps, but they look like staples. They're what sealed off the vas deferentia. Eventually my body rejected them, and they worked their way out.
Also, I needed a gauze pad the size of a duvet cover.
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they worked their way out.
Ahhhhh
AHHHHHHHHHHHHHH
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There's probably some kinky fuck out there who would pay big money to staple a man's junk. Is this how it went for you Nabu?
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They are actually clamps, but they look like staples. They're what sealed off the vas deferentia. Eventually my body rejected them, and they worked their way out.
Also, I needed a gauze pad the size of a duvet cover.
Jesus!!
So they were inside your body? How the hell did they get out? They migrated out through the hole in your scrotum? Jeeeeez.
Also, that sounds like a lot of blood or fluid drainage. Yikes.
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Jesus!!
So they were inside your body? How the hell did they get out? They migrated out through the hole in your scrotum? Jeeeeez.
Also, that sounds like a lot of blood or fluid drainage. Yikes.
And I just crossed my legs and winced.
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There's probably some kinky fuck out there who would pay big money to staple a man's junk.
I believe the kids these days refer to Rule 34 (http://www.urbandictionary.com/define.php?term=Rule+34).
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Ahhhhh
AHHHHHHHHHHHHHH
Quoted for truthiness.
I don't even have those parts, and this hurts me.
Is there a way to ban Pedro from this thread so that he never, ever learns of such things? I was really hoping to avoid being cut open when we're done having kids.
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The Doc said this almost never happens. I was just lucky.
Also, I didn't mean I needed the giant gauze pad because of the amount of fluid - that was in contrast to AW's tiny band-aid.
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Quoted for truthiness.
I don't even have those parts, and this hurts me.
Is there a way to ban Pedro from this thread so that he never, ever learns of such things? I was really hoping to avoid being cut open when we're done having kids.
The vasectomy is FAR less invasive and carries far less risk than a tubal ligation. It takes someone of special fortitude to man up and overcome misinformation and societal stereotypes to get the procedure as demonstrated by our fine company here at TOUAMB.
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This is the argument I keep using. However, so far, I am fighting a losing battle.
It doesn't help that his best friend's wife had a tubal ligation six weeks postpartum because aforementioned best friend refused to get snipped. That kind of fear is contagious.
Although, honestly, if my family history is an indication I will probably require a complete hysterectomy by the age of 45 regardless. Notorious problems. And then I'd feel bad for making him have the dreaded procedure and have to end up getting cut anyway.
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So you're planning to keep having kids till you're 45? Brave woman.
Any man who would let his wife have actual abdominal surgery - with general anesthesia and everything - just so he can avoid a little snip snip down there - which can be done in a doctor's office with just a local anesthetic - is not very manly, if you ask me.
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The worst part about mine was the dry shave.
I won't say it was pleasant, and in fact I think I've given a detailed description here earlier. But it really wasn't that bad.
And I only had a tiny band-aid because I only had a tiny scar -- it's a laproscopic-type procedure. That little ol' band-aid was lost in the vast expanse of my scrotal real estate.
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So you're planning to keep having kids till you're 45? Brave woman.
Aren't there other ways to avoid having kids? Maybe the Liberal Schooling I had was lying to me.
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scrotal real estate
That would be a great name for a band.
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The worst part about mine was the dry shave.
I won't say it was pleasant, and in fact I think I've given a detailed description here earlier. But it really wasn't that bad.
Fellas, ask your special lady to help you shave it before the doctors visit.
Also...thinking of vast scrotal real estate made me throw up a little.
Aren't there other ways to avoid having kids? Maybe the Liberal Schooling I had was lying to me.
When you're in a long term relationship and having sex every day, birth control gets to be really damned irritating. Guys hate using condoms. Ladies hate taking birth control pills because it seriously fucks with you after years and years of use. Methods like contraceptive foam or the sponge are really only effective if used in tandem with a condom (my crap dude ex-fiance was a Sponge Baby).
When you're done having kids, permanent sterility is the way to go.
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See, that's what I keep saying...
Yeah, I figure since I am going to be 29 a few weeks after this baby is born, and we want at least one and possibly two more after this...I will probably be around 35 before I'm done. Considering a lot of women don't *start* having kids 'til then, that's still pretty young, but it feels old to me. I guess because I was married at 22. My mom was 32 when I was born and it always seemed like my friends' parents were a lot younger than mine.
So if Pedro got snipped, it would be for ten years of convenience, plus or minus. We would probably not do anything right away after the last one, just to be sure our family felt complete. Unless I end up with five kids, in which case I'm going to knock him out and drag him to the hospital and get us both fixed. And then move into a separate bedroom just to be sure.
Adrian was supposed to be the baby, and he is instead the middle of five. My in-laws had been told when they adopted their oldest they'd never have any, so I guess they figured they didn't need to worry about birth control. You'd think after the third one they would have picked up on the pattern, though.
I do have to say, if Pedro does insist on making me undergo surgery after carrying and birthing who knows how many babies, I will never, ever, ever let him forget it.
I suppose I could just dig my heels in and tell him that it's either a vasectomy, or a lifetime supply of condoms.
If I were really cruel, I'd calculate the cost of a vasectomy after insurance, divide that by the price per condom, and tell him that he has X number of condoms left to use, and when he runs out, we're done.
Also:
When you're in a long term relationship and having sex every day,
Spoken like a person who does not have small children. I miss those days.
But linnea's right, I cannot take the pill for Bad Medical Reasons, and condoms et al are fine for short term use but...well...that's what we were relying on when we got pregnant this time around and I do have to say that they are annoying enough that we tend to neglect their use when I'm "pretty sure" I'm "not very fertile." So that quickly devolves into a variation on the rhythm method. And you know what they call people who use the rhythm method.
Parents, of course.
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When you're in a long term relationship and having sex every day,
Whoa! Am I supposed to be getting it EVERY DAY??? Is there, like, some kind of agency that enforces this rule or something?
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When you're in a long term relationship and having sex every day,
*WEEP*
but also
*verb that means "to look forward to in a joyous way"*
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Caution: Your Mileage May Vary.
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So wait, there's dudes out there who aren't getting it daily? Yikes.
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A-CAP, Clay and I are going to kill you.
I was recently informed that I qualify for status as a "born again virgin."
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Whoa! Am I supposed to be getting it EVERY DAY??? Is there, like, some kind of agency that enforces this rule or something?
I can fix this for you.
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I can fix this for you.
Oh sure. You have that many frequent flier miles?
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Ladies, ladies... please form an orderly line. I'm sure there's enough Nabu to go around.
Whoa! Am I supposed to be getting it EVERY DAY??? Is there, like, some kind of agency that enforces this rule or something?
*WEEP*
but also
*verb that means "to look forward to in a joyous way"*
So wait, there's dudes out there who aren't getting it daily? Yikes.
Damn, people, I did not mean to start a revolution. I did not mean to lay down arbitrary laws of a LTR. Get it on at your own rate. As JL said, YMMV.
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At this point I feel obligated to chime in...
When you're in a long term relationship and having sex every day,
Spoken like someone who hasn't been married for 19 years.
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well, we've got 10 years and three kids and we do it a fair amount. The big problem is my job schedule, I work at 3 am so I got to bed way early nowadays.
As for the snip vs abdominal surgery....what? Elinor had her tubes tied in conjunction with her C-section; it cost way less that way, was not additionally invasive (already had the incision for the c-section), already had anesthesia down there (not general anesthesia) and the doctor was already all gloved and gowned up. It worked out great.
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well, we've got 10 years and three kids and we do it a fair amount. The big problem is my job schedule, I work at 3 am so I got to bed way early nowadays.
As for the snip vs abdominal surgery....what? Elinor had her tubes tied in conjunction with her C-section; it cost way less that way, was not additionally invasive (already had the incision for the c-section), already had anesthesia down there (not general anesthesia) and the doctor was already all gloved and gowned up. It worked out great.
Yeah, but I thought that JL had natural (vaginal) deliveries. In her case it would be invasive for them to go in and perform the surgery, just like her friend who had one six weeks after delivery!! :(
One of my best friends has four brothers. His mum went in for a tubal ligation after four children, and they said, "Congratulations, Mrs. Laramie, you're pregnant again." So after she delivered the last baby, Jake, she had her tubes tied at the same time.
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Married people lose interest in sex. At least with spouses.
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Married people lose interest in sex. At least with spouses.
This does not turn out to be the case always.
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Oh sure. You have that many frequent flier miles?
He would only need to fly you out once. You do not need frequent flier miles to keep someone in a sex dungeon in your basement. I called the Airmiles people and asked.
I keep telling the SO, "I have been on the pill for five years, it's time for you to step up to the plate," but so far, no dice.
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He would only need to fly you out once. You do not need frequent flier miles to keep someone in a sex dungeon in your basement. I called the Airmiles people and asked.
I keep telling the SO, "I have been on the pill for five years, it's time for you to step up to the plate," but so far, no dice.
Smells, I love you so damn much. That is comedy gold right there.
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I keep telling the SO, "I have been on the pill for five years, it's time for you to step up to the plate," but so far, no dice.
Not to discourage, but at the Wombat household it took about 15 years.
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I did it the first year I moved down here. Why wait? I ain't having no kids anyway. Them pills ain't right.
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I did it the first year I moved down here. Why wait? I ain't having no kids anyway. Them pills ain't right.
Word to that.
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True dat. True dat.