Last time I wore the gloves it was to carry an itty-bitty little casket, maybe 3' long with a very young child inside. This thread is taking me places I tried to forget about - this wasn't my child, or even the child of someone I knew well, which made it in some ways worse...I volunteered to help out with this funeral for people affiliated with my church because the family just didn't have a lot of people here. The church was full for the service, but aside from the parents and grandparents, the other pallbearers and the clergy, everyone else was a doctor, nurse, social worker, or other person who was involved in the care of this child for his short and fairly difficult life. That was the toughest funeral I've ever attended.
You can not look at a casket that size when you have small children and not ache from the deepest and most vulnerable part of you for the parents of the child. And you can not avoid putting yourself in the situation and therefore imagine of your children in there. You think you can't imagine, and then you can and it's worse than you thought until you realize it's real for them. And all you can do is say something lame to them. And no matter what it is you say, it sounds lame relative to the event. It's horrible.